Friday, July 10, 2020

Hope makes one fool.

I dream about those things which are extremely impossible in real life. Hope makes me believe that everything will work out. Life doesn't work like that. If it is meant to be it will happen smoothly. If it is not,I get in to thinking, worrying and problems. 
Later, I realize that it wasn't meant to be. Some times my heart accept it as it is.  Sometimes I feel my faith in Allah is weak. I don't trust him as I claim. Leaving everything to him or behind is way least in my case. The feeling of  giving up is better.  Here you don't own anything. You move on voluntarily. 

This happens to those who try so hard to find silver lining in everything. They forget the reality and hope everything will get right. There are time when I deliberately deny the reality with the hope that everything will be fine. 

Wednesday, June 17, 2020

No one wants to leave.

Sushant Singhs Rajpoot's sudden dismiss on June 13 by committing suicide had created a public discourse of nepotism in Bollywood.  The news was indeed shocking. It was an extreme act: taking your own life. He was just 34, smart, bright and quite successful. He will be missed by his fans, friends and family. His suicide is being linked to depression  due to nepotism.     

 Nepotism has always been in Indian cinema.  It is as sever as #me too in Hollywood. But it is not exactly as straight and simple and it is not just in cinema.  People from filmy background and support have failed miserly too. Public has rejected them without any mercy no matter whose son or daughter he/she is. No body wants to put money on bad actor .

There is no business like show business. Indian audience has its own taste. Films are supposed to entertain public. There are lots of actor who came from outside and ruled for many years. Film industry like any other industry is demanding. Competition is cutthroat. 

Success is all about knowing  the game and playing it well. The outsider who are in the industry in different sphere  working successfully have adjust themselves perfectly. Actually, talent alone is never useful. One gotta be disciplined, mentally strong and clever too. 

The problem is not just nepotism.  Here work is based on relationships. If you notice, all those outsiders are part of some group. They have been repeated by producers and directors with formula films again and again. Film makers don't give chance to others or new comers that easily. Star kids are given chances because of their references and even when they  prove to be failed, film makers don't repeat them. Only thing easy for the start kids/insider  is that they don't have to struggle much when it comes  to licking  the feet as they are already friends and know each others. It is also important to be seen at parties and be the part of the gang. Rest the fate is in the hands of audience. It is a cultural of  grouping for survival. 

This business and grouping are lethal combination. It is in every industry. People act in group and on references every where in sub-continent. The openness is not here.  That is why outsiders like Sushant and Kangna have to go through a lot. Kangna spoke up and got into trouble.  But Sharakuk despite an outsider, coming from Delhi, working in TV is supper star in film industry. He made right friends. Actually it all come down to friendship and references. That is why people don''t speak up or help others. They are part of the gang. A smart person knows the main guy very well and act accordingly. That is the way it is. Unfortunately, cultural of sub continent has always been master -slave. Be a slave, get work.  This has been going on for so long. 

Grouping is human nature. We prefer "our" people. The struggle to adjust and make friends is real. There is also no such law which enforce the producer/director to cast different person. They have every right to wok with whom they want.  On paper, casting  should be based audition but what can we do if if Sanajy Leela Bhansali  wants to cast Deepika Padokuni in same style historic movies Bajirao Mastani  and Padmavit.  There must be shortage of actress. 

Besides references, there is an other trend: Produce your on film and act in it. Well, their money, their choice. We can' question this. It shows how self centered they are  though.  People not only want to stay in business, they want to stay heroes be it Aamir or Salman, Raj Kapoor or Dev Anand as well. No one wants to retire and give space to new comers. 

Another cultural problem is worshiping humans. Be it, politicians or celebrities. We are conditioned to literally workshop humans. Yes, they are celebrities and stars. They entertain us. But they are not gods. Sub-continent is so tangled in worshiping personalities. 

We also have examples like Late Irrfan Khan was an outsider. He struggled a lot in his early days. And not only in India but he made a mark in Hollywood. Well, that industry worked on different criteria.  They picked him. His luck. He proved himself. His craft, hard work and again luck.

Film Industry is not supposed to be property of few elites. Everyone has right to tap into it with his/her talent, luck, hard work, craft and discipline. However, how can anyone be able to work if all the opportunity is divided among themselves. Bollywood need to change. I also hope, we pubic get some life too. It is we in the end who empower  them this much that they  have becomes gods. 

Tuesday, June 16, 2020

Poppy of the desert

یہ گُنبدِ مِینائی، یہ عالمِ تنہائی
مجھ کو تو ڈراتی ہے اس دشت کی پہنائی
بھٹکا ہُوا راہی مَیں، بھٹکا ہُوا راہی تُو
منزل ہے کہاں تیری اے لالۂ صحرائی!
خالی ہے کلیموں سے یہ کوہ و کمر ورنہ
تُو شعلۂ سینائی، مَیں شعلۂ سینائی!
تُو شاخ سے کیوں پھُوٹا، مَیں شاخ سے کیوں ٹُوٹا
اک جذبۂ پیدائی، اک لذّتِ یکتائی!
غوّاصِ محبّت کا اللہ نِگہباں ہو
ہر قطرۂ دریا میں دریا کی ہے گہرائی
اُس موج کے ماتم میں روتی ہے بھَنْور کی آنکھ
دریا سے اُٹھی لیکن ساحل سے نہ ٹکرائی
ہے گرمیِ آدم سے ہنگامۂ عالم گرم
سُورج بھی تماشائی، تارے بھی تماشائی
اے بادِ بیابانی! مجھ کو بھی عنایت ہو
خاموشی و دل سوزی، سرمستی و رعنائی!

Oh this skydrome this world of loneliness,
The wears of this desert scares my selfness.

Lost travelers are you and me where is your destination oh poppy of the desert,
Empty of speakers(kaleem is the one saying kalaam"sentence") is this desert otherwise
You and i both have fires in our hearts.

Why did you blossom from the branch
Why did i break from the branch,
Ones passion to Be ones passion to become.

God protect whoever dives in love,
Every drop of the ocean has the depth of the sea.

The whirlpool of the eye mourns on the wave,
That rose from the sea but did not hit the shore.

The world's commotion is hot because of human heat,
And the stars and sun are just audiences.

Oh air of wilderness grant me
Silence and sympathy, rapture and grace

Tuesday, June 9, 2020

Strange time

This year's Ramadan was quite difficult for me. Since then I am kinda turn the funk. It is like I have no more energy to have any desire. I got a good news and there is no emotion. It has always been my emotions which ruled over me. Today, there is void. 

Online classes has started. University is not gonna open till September. I am just dragging the classes.  It is also extremely hot these days.  Getting up early but ending up using Facebook and that too ...just scrolling. Going to Instagram, checking. This is the life " staying home" I was dying for. Now I am missing the whole routine, getting ready in the morning, buss  ride to university, shopping, exploring the city and my photo walks. How ungrateful I am. I was planning to start doing vlog style videos of my photo walk and a food Insta page. Then came Covid19. 

Seriously, no one knew 2020 would be such a bitch. 

Cases in Pakistan has reached up to 110, 829. There are record deaths just in one day.  Technically, there is no such lock down any more. Actually, lock down has failed. The cases are increasing day by day. Almost everything is open except educational institution, cinemas, parks, salons and marriage halls. Traders went to supreme court to reopen their business. Public did full fledged shopping for the Eid. It figures. 

But I am still at home since March 16. I don't know why I go out for? My Eids are always simple and quite. 

I am sure it is weather. 

Wednesday, May 6, 2020

With Hardship, Come Ease

"With Hardship, Come Ease" is a  project where I am collecting personal narrative and stories of brave and strong people from all over the world to  assess the concept of resilience. How we humans  hit rock bottom and how we bounce back. It is in blog form right now :

I would be great if you be the part of if and share your story with me. 

Have you ever felt done/ lost with your life? 

What kept you going? 

Be open, be vulnerable. Be raw. 

Last but not least. How you got control over the situation? What was that exact thin which gave you hope to be alive again? 
Also give at least one advice in the end for those who are going through the tough time.

We all go through a lot at some point in our lives.  I am a firm believer that with every hardship there comes ease. Life has never been a bed of roses for anyone. Some are warriors and survivors. Unfortunately few become victims. Interesting thing is that we humans are thick skin. We mostly survive.  The journey becomes easy when we listen others stories of hope.  

This is the  aim and object of the study. It is also OK if you want to go anonymous. Send me your entries with your age, location and a photo here or to:

Monday, May 4, 2020

The morning time

Sometimes getting up in the morning becomes a task for me. Yesterday I slept till 12:30 am. There were lots of work to do but I just couldn't find the strength and motivation to get up. Am I becoming depressed? This is going on since last two years.  The motivation to get up is never there. It feels like I am salve of my feelings which are low. 

Morning time is my favorite time of the day. I am always in the awe of sun rising. The soft, diffused light of the Ishraq/ Sun rise turning into orange gradually is the most beautiful thing to watch. Everything is so vivid, and peaceful. Just the sound of birds. Indeed there are sings for those who wanna see it. I always try to sleep at night to get up early. But getting outta bed is totally different story. Sometime I watch the whole process from my window. 

Today, I decided to stay awake and be productive after sahur. Had my tea and wow. I am awake and loving it. 

My focus was in wrong things. Constantly thinking about those things were harming me. I was going into depression. Allhumdullah there is light. This quite time in morning when everyone is sleeping at my home gives me enough time to appreciate life. I feel OK now. It dawns on me that I am a week person. My actions were actually reactions depending on my moods. I was thinking it is alright. And that is the way to react. A control and patience are something people develop. They are strong and successful people.  I never knew how small things matter. 

Friday, April 24, 2020

Ramadan Kareem 2020

The month of Ramadan is gonna start from tomorrow in Pakistan. I ring in this blessed month with open heart. This time around there is no uncertainty, no fear and no sadness. My heart is healing. I am happy with whatever is with me. I am accepting things which I can't change. Indeed, I was lost. My biggest enemy is me and my expectations. This pandemic made me realized that nothing is forever. The quarantine is best thing happened to me. It takes a lot of time to understand small things. At least to me ! I have never been that sharp. It is okay if I couldn't achieved this and that. Life can go on. I am alive. So much at peace. 

Hope you have blessed days and night.