Thursday, June 22, 2017

On Groups.

I have two months off. June is about to end. Now I am looking forward to July with the hope of some substantial work. This year  Ramadan  fell in the month of June. Defiantly, the whole schedule is different than any other normal month. All day long I am sleeping for no valid reason like I am not even tired or sleepy. There is nothing much to do. And it is depressing me some how.  Work is blessing for me. It keeps me happy.

Since last week, S is trying to make a plan to go out with me. Yesterday her In-law aunt called on her. We might meet after Eid, I guess. As it looks like.  

S, and I are doing MS together. The whole class is so found of hanging out in the name of group studies. I avoid  large group. Everyone together.  " Hum saath saath hein" type domestic mentality. And then controlling. Urg !

This happens a lot in group: the controlling part. 

Everyone is different and individual. Groups deindividualize  people. They become followers. And you can't join the group where you can't feel  the sense of belonging. They start influencing you to do things which you don't want to do. 

Some like me are extroverts but at the same time we know who we are. It is waste of time to be with whom we have no chemistry, That should be fair enough. Or maybe I am so much into my work that I hardly get time to do or meet others.  Yeah, I wasn't like that. But now, things are so different. I didn't do anything, seriously. However, I like it. 

Being in group is not my nature from the start.  When I meet someone, I (try to) make connection with them at the deeper level. And if that understanding and depth are not there, then I am OK with it and move on. Group people are of different type. They are agreeable type. Of course surviving in the group with out agreeing is not possible. Convincing me is not that possible.

There is also no gareentue if these people in so called group are of your type. We have to be very carefule with whom we want to spend most of our time with. As Jim Rohan says, we become average of the five people we spend our time with. 

Group means more than one or two person and dealing with their temperament, nature, and habits. At least I don't have this much time. There is an other thing. I am self aware. I somehow know what exactly I want. 

Saturday, June 3, 2017

Mental illness is a real thing.

Aamir Zaki, a renowned  Pakistani guitarist, songwriter and composer died last Friday due to cardiac arrest at the age of 49. He was one of the finest artists of his time. A real musical genuine...very much misunderstood. An inspiration and mentor to many. He and his music was authentic and original, non commercialized. Not for everyone to understand.

May his soul find peace now.

Many of us don't know who Aamir Zakki was in real life because he never shared much. However, an article after his death, My last conversation with Aamir Zaki by Raffy Mehmood  in the Express Tribune is enough for us to tell that maestro was in  trouble. According to that write up, he was going through a lot: Physically, mentally and financially. In his own words, he said that he was bipolar and suffering from the depression. When writer asked him about seeking help, he replied:

"I am taking some very hard medication for depression and that has made my face swell. I am not doing hard drugs any more but I think I am growing weaker by the day. With or without drugs or medication, the end is pretty much the same.”

It seems that he was not much hopeful with his life. Like he said he was done. His mental and unstable financial condition was taking troll on him. And it would not be a recent thing. The demons must be there from so long. He pleaded the writer to not share this until the project is not materialized, or failed to materialized. His fear was that no one will sponsor him if his condition will be revealed.

"And you know why? Because admitting you have problems is problematic for this society. All I have to do is appear ‘alright’ and hide the darkness in my soul, and the sponsors will love me! It’s pro-business you know,” he says.

Mental illness is a real thing. It can finish you. Cherry on the top, we have been told to appear alright in front of others. Just be happy.

How cruel !

As long as it is not happening  to us, we believe in who cares? Whatever others are going through is none of our business. Listening to other people's problem is negativity, so better stay way from them and their problems. 

Only a person who is suffering from depression knows what it feels like. 

Yeah, good ! But it can come to you as well ! 

Reach out. 


Talk to others.

 Give them good advice if you can't help them financially. There are some people who don't have such supportive family and friend like majority have. And that is why they are lost. Troubled. It doesn't mean they should be left alone. We need to understand people. They have issues. It takes troll on their lives. They definitely are not able to reach out. It is our responsibility to say hello and ask how they are doing even if they go in islolation

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Sunday was fun.

Having a relaxed Sunday is blessing for me.

My mother had her NTS test in St. Patrick's College, Saddar. I did my Intermediate (high school) from there in 2005. After passing out, I never got the chance to re-visit it. When my mom told me about her test center, I decided to go with her. Her test timing was 2:00pm. We reached there at 1:30 pm by auto.

I was amazed to see how well managed and decent it turned out after  going back to the missionary management. At my time it was under government. Its condition was so worst. I am glad they took it back from the government.

But somehow it was still my collage. It still had same calmness, peace and serenity I used to feel on 2005. Meanwhile waiting for her, I read the novel.

Due to the test, there was strict security. Two cops deployed. They were not even letting us go in the building. Clicking wasn't that possible. I somehow managed to click few pics.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

It is just a city. Get over it.

It is all my fault, actually. 

I listen and let people say their monkey shit. 

Today, someone from one specific race, double my age, with Phd degree from abroad, who I am damn sure doesn't even have the domicile of Karachi was telling me this is not my city. The tone was ugly. The more I was smiling, tolerating, and letting go, the more he was getting uglier. This much hate for Urdus and Muslims? 


I am Karachi born. I live here. This is not my city because I am Muslim by faith, Indian origin and my primary language is Urdu? This is the first time I heard such monkey shit. Actually, it was his hate which was over flowing. According to him, Urdu speaking peeps are less in numbers and just confined to few areas of Karachi. I was like, what do I do if we are less in numbers? If you are so smart, take over Karachi. Why are you telling me about your inferiority complex? Am I MQM? That political party is my fault?

 And listen this joke: All the development work in this city is done by his race/people. I couldn't stop laughing my ass off at that claim. 

FYI, all the development in this city is done by the Britishers. After that you did nothing. Be thankful to Indian Muslim immigrants who were bit educated and contributed to this city. And if your home town/province/ city/ is that good, then why don't you go back? Why wasting time in Karachi?

 Why chewing my brain? 

There is a legit reason why these people and their cities are no where in the map. This is their inferiority complex. Another fyi: Condition of your people is worst. They are confined to Light house and Garden. Their education level is low. Worry about them rather than me, my race and my primary language.

 My people and I have moved on long ago. Karachi is not mine. It is just a city. Get over it. Everyone from Pakistan is living here. Urdu is not a race. It is a language for the purpose of communication. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

A lot to do.

Everyday Karachi.

These pics are from Dalmia area, Karachi. It is an interesting place to shoot. All I need some free time. Shooting after work is difficult. I am extremely exhausted. Don't wanna complain but there is some discomforts in the environment which has cramp my style. An other reason could be that we females are not used to go out. Therefore, it is a struggle for me. Everyone don't even understand what I am doing. But I am still doing it: Going out alone. Shooting Karachi everyday is my goal. 

Enjoy the pics and good night.  

Sunday, May 7, 2017

With age I am doing more foolish things.

I left the comment on Financial Times's  On Air, Facebook live show/video. Topic was "Do we get wiser as we get older?"Columnist Lucy Kellaway  was the guest. And she doesn't think we do  !!!

Wisdom comes from having experience and knowledge. Wise people are good judge. They have patience and tolerance. They adjust well. They don't decide in hurry. They learn their lessons from their mistakes.  When I, on the other hand doing more foolish things and getting confessed as I am getting older. Repeating the same mistakes. Giving chances with hope.

Therefore, my comment was, "With age, I am doing more foolish things." She replied to my comment by saying we do foolish things due to fear. She is so right. I react because I do get scared. My experience is less. Knowledge is limited. I take ages to learn, trust and adjust. Like I have been saying my dealing is based on reaction and emotions. This realization is hurting me. Life needs to be sort out. 

Every time I forget that patience is the key. Everything takes time. There is no need to worry much. We all will remain same. There is NO NEED to react.