Monday, March 27, 2017

Life as it is.

One of my friend says that she is depressed because she is still single. Her aim in life is to get married, so as mine. I do reach out to her as much as I can. I call her off and on I couldn't visit her apartment. She tells me that she is depressed but OK with it. Despite having education she doesn't want to work.She doesn't like going out. To her women job is not to work outside her home. It is man's duty to work all day and provide her all the basic necessitates. Earning is his responsibility.

One day, maybe next month, next year, God willing, she sure will be happily married to some amazing guy who would have same mindset. Actually there are many who thinks like that. Her time had not come yet. Neither mine.

However, right now it is not happening to both of us. We both is figuring out our lives.  

To some extend, she is right but we have our differences. Man should be earning as much as he can be. He can be the prime bread earner in this economic if he can be, but it doesn't mean women can't do anything beyond home making. Taking care of home is a serious business. It is man's responsibility too. Saying that he should earn, she should look after home merely is actually not that practical. Both have to make home, and take care of the family. Those kids are "his" kids too. That house is his "house" too. He has to play his role in bringing up instead of just providing finance.

Gone those days of big veranda houses with so many people to support you. Today's economics is different. And we are deliberately ignoring it. 

She also quotes sayings and examples of holy prophets, peace be upon him, when women of that time were also more modern and out going then today's time. They also had help. Kids were raised by deie/aya/nanny. That society and economic situation were quite different from ours. So quoting their sayings and examples without having much knowledge is not a wise thing. We will make our situation more complicated.  

Today's women is more burdened and tired. And it is mostly mental exhaustion, We all have to work no matter work. We want her to do everything perfectly. She is trying everything in her capacity to be a good women. Life is not that difficult, lass.

If you wanna work, work. There will be sacrifice. You will be away from the comfort of your home, and child. In the end of the month you will get pay cheque. If you wanna stay at home, stay. None of you  is superior or inferior. 

No woman hate her home. Work has its place too. It is also something which defines you in so many ways. I dunno where Islam tells women to stop doing things for herself. There are many Muslim women doing all they wanna do in hijab and burqa in Pakistan and outside. These hundred versions of Islam has created so much problem.

A wise woman knows what is best for her. We should mind our own business. I have seen women giving all her to her home and kids feeling so worthless after when kids are grown up living their lives. She is depend on her father, brothers, then husband and later kids. She does nothing for herself. 

I know, family first. Home first. But working or dong things for yourself is not selfish at all. It's every humans basic need. It makes us happy. If you are not happy, your home is not happy.

That is why I encourage my fellow women to do what makes them happy. 

But like I said each to their own.There are lots of unhappy women I do meet. But how amazingly they justify it is applause able.

Good cognitive dissonance, I must say. 

I personally wasted my 5 years in deciding what should I do with my life. I could have done my MS long ago, had more experience, more confident and doing much better than I am doing right now. To be honest, I am struggling in every aspect of life. 

I had no religious fever. I was in ignorance. I was not motivated. There was no one for me to guide me that marriage is not happening for you. Move your ass. Do something better/else.

I am still stuck in rut. My coping mechanism is poor. My speech is rough. I panic. I get irritated. Last year I met someone. I thought he is the one. It felt so right. I was happy. I was happy at work. But later things got difficult. No need to go in those details. But I am again less motivated. Sometimes I have no one to talk to. That is life. No complains. This is my battle. However, fact is still there. I wasted ample of time for no reason. 

Due to job, my days are productive. It is weekends which kills me. I have my blog, I do photography off and on. Staying at home all day long was never my thing. Home is heaven no doubt. Neither I am running away from my responsibilities, whatever I have now. 

There are so many things which I can't change. I have accepted it. My nature is wild. Doing things on time, properly, sitting quietly for hours was never my thing either. I am doing all somehow despite not wanting. Things can't be always the way I want. There are things I can change. I am doing my bit. You may not know, sometimes it gets so difficult to cop up with.

Things take time. Most of the time we are wrong. Lots of people consider me running away from making home. It is not like that. I am good in balancing. Workload never made me irritated. I enjoy doing things. Sitting idle and overthinking is just waste of time.

There was a time when I wanted to leave Karachi so badly. Not anymore. It was just an escape and it didn't happen either. My life is here.

Work is definitely not a solution of depression. Money is not happiness. We all need to end up with someone. Marriage is one permanent thing. We all want to love and be loved. This is basic human nature. Fulfilling life is only possible if we have good relationships with other people. Marriage gives us sense of belonging. We later have kids. Life gets purpose. We have to start our own family sooner or later because other lives their life. No one is gonna reach out to us.

Somehow, she is right.

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Saturday, March 25, 2017

Thrift shops at Nicole road.

Buying branded clothes is not that easy. it is a matter of affordability. However, shops at the Nicole road are the solution for such people. They are here since last more than 30 years and offering branded but used clothes at reasonable price.

"They are hardly once or twice worn." says Shah, owner of one shop in the lane.

Shah is in his 50tish. A stocky build man with salt and paper hairs. He is this business since last 3 decades. His father and brothers, all have been selling used branded clothes. The started with stalls and now own couple of shops. He welcomed me with smile.

" Who are your customers mostly?" I asked him while settling in a stool he offered me. His shop is small and full with shirts.

 " This I.I Chundigarh Road is Karachi's business hub. People from over the city come here for work. They all want to have decent work ware. We sell them at reasonable price. I know what you are trying to ask." He replies.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Wearing used clothes is not much approved. People do look down upon when you tell them the Zara or H&M you are wearing is from some thrift shop.

Price starts in these shops and stall starts from 200 till 500 rupees. He further said despite having malls and local brands, his regular customers wouldn't go anywhere. There are four shopes and 10 stalls from Nichole to I.I Chundigar Road.

Cloths here are men office/formal wear mostly, like suite shirts and trousers, jeans and coats.

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Monday, March 20, 2017

My third coffee.

It is quite a boring day. Despite not wanting, I did some doodling.

All weekend I was at home. Now in my cabin and having my third coffee. Life couldn't be more sad. I am  on second chapter of  The Great Gatsby by F. Scoot Fitgerald.

It seems like an engaging novel so far. The  movie adaptation was amazing, wasn't it. Now when I am reading he bokk , all those scenes are coming back to me. The head jewelry by ladies in the movie got quite caught on. We call it matha patti.

Hey, this post is not about this book.

But I wanna talk about  Gatsby's obsession with that arrogant girl. No one leaves their spouse after baby. But, yeah. Love is crazy thing. And hope makes us do stupid things.

One sided love is just plain stupidity. You are gonna get frustration and depression in the end. One sided live is admiration. It is psychology as well. We want those things which we can't get. The more we ca get it, the more we become obsessed.

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Saturday, March 18, 2017

Random Post

I never thought writing a blog post would be a struggle. It is just that I am not writing much so I feel like little reluctant in writing the way  I write. It is like I have forgotten the blogging all together.

 I hope not. That's the place where I am I.

 And I want to blog frequently from now on. It is just work. I am too involved there.

My week was kinda horrible. And I don't wanna talk about it. Everything was overwhelming for me. In the end I learned some lessons :

Don't talk.
Don't get involved.
Don't except anything from anyone.
There is no such thing as friends in the adult life.
Pretend you are listening but don't listen.
Stay away from people.

Things get difficult for me because my lack of copping mechanism. I get lost. Give attention to non serious issues.  I know I shouldn't have given up yet. This is life.

My weekends are really boring. I want to go back to the class. It keeps me sane. After such a long time, I saw telly movie " Remember Sunday."

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Saturday, March 4, 2017

Small Talk is not that small.

Karan Mahajan is bemused with American small talk ritual. In the New Yoker he writes that it took him a decade to master it.

Being a south Asian, I know where he i s coming from. What small talks he is talking about is mostly at shop counter's in the USA.

When your barista smiles and greets you, it has an effect. No one like grumpy sales person. It's a duty of a waiter to make you feel welcome. They gotta do business.

Be happy that there are people who are still smiling and saying hello, even in the name of customer service.

In our culture, people try to talk like they know you for ages. Sometimes it becomes compulsory to talk. And by mistake if you are not in the mood of deep talk they assume you rude.

 Karan says that" In the East, I’ve heard it said, there’s intimacy without friendship. In the West, there's friendship without intimacy."

To me, intimacy without friendship is way shallower than the small talk. It is not that something to be proud of. Friendship without intimacy means acquaintance.

Everyone is not your friend.

I personally don't believe in intimacy with strangers. There is no need either. You should have some friend with whom you can share your heart out. That's the way it should be. Friendship asks for hard work, patience, kindness and generosity. It starts with small talk and grow with time.

So smile often and say hello. You never know with whom you hit off.

Small talk is not that small. It has a rapport of being meaningless, shallow fake or instrumental conversation.

Lots of people find small talk useless. They believe its is formality and more customer oriented. However, it is just assumption.

No social interaction is useless.

The anthropologist Bronisław Malinowski coined the term phatic communion in his essay "The Problem of Meaning in Primitive Languages", which appeared in  cira 1920.
  Phatic communication is popularly known as small talk: the non referential use of language to share feelings or establish a mood of sociability rather than to communicate information or ideas.
In the current study, under title "  Is Efficiency Overrated?" it is stated that people who had a social interaction with a barista (i.e., smiled, made eye contact, and had a brief conversation) experienced more positive affect than people who were as efficient as possible.

Further, it is also found that initial evidence that these effects were mediated by feelings of belonging. These results suggest that, although people are often reluctant to have a genuine social interaction with a stranger, they are happier when they treat a stranger like a weak tie.

See ya !

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Sunday, February 12, 2017

Life is good when you have no expectations.

This Feb 3, I turned 31. Life is better.  I am way mature. All my worries were because I wasn't letting things to go. I was too hopeful, show off and full with expectations.

And I was a fool.

Now, I understand that all I can do is "do my best. " No need to worry about each and everything. People I am spending time with are few and closed to my heart. And most probably they calm and relaxed in their own live. They are those smart people who have figured out their lives. They are settled. They don't react.

I still don't know which way to go. But, yeah !

Doing my best !

 I am done with my MS course work. Yaaay !!! Now thesis is here. It is a big thing for me. Winter is about to go which means I can have long day, more hours, which means I could take more pics.

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