There was specific time period in my life when I desperately wanted to go there but not any more !That was time when N and T were leaving .Now, I am much better in my own world ,by the grace of Alla'ah. Living my life because this is what Alla'ah has decided for me .
I still don't know where I am and where to go but it is also OK . Trusting only alone Alla'ah that everything be fine.I will find my way ,my purpose ,serenity .Those dreams have been faded because they were illusion not dreams .Now dreams are totally different and they are new.Have totality new meanings , more bright and more real.
I have changed the road .Things have been change too with the passage of time ,besides priorities , liking , nature .Those places seem so damn empty to me .
I am different now.More mature.I get jealous sometimes that they are free .I still panic . I have no anxiety .No competition .No pain.No regret.No complain .No dread.However ,I am living .If not content but clear minded.
I know most of you would not understand what the hell I am saying .
Actually,I am full with emotional feelings and thoughts right now.I am feeling everything double.Thinking twice .Crying .Heavy heart .What have I lost ? I don't know why?Some feelings are good and some are bad.Some are negative and some are positive.And what piss me more is when my negative thoughts come true . Eeeeeeeee whYYYYY ? OK, enough .I have decided to stop thinking and excepting.
I know, everything__:good or bad has to end. but that fast ? Why this is so hard ? The Almighty has given me almost those things which are perfect for me and than, still I am searching and beating myself for those things which are totally not for me.
Anyhow, I will cop up.
Have a good day ,peeps.