Thursday, February 9, 2012

To date or not to date ?

Every one  is taking about Maya Khan's morning cum raiding show 's specific episode  (here), privacy for  dating couples and her hypocrisy. I am so confuse because  65 % peeps  want Islamisation of society according to   Gilani Poll conducted by Gallup Pakistan, and on the  other hand  the same nation  is   talking  about privacy  for dating items.

All my life every one told me  dating and secret relationships  before marriage is shame shame thing and out of sudden they are talking about liberty and privacy for dating. Aya camba!!!!

Time might be changing but I don't know, boy I have never been on date ever in my life  not because I ain't pretty enough but because I ain't dare enough.The more I am growing up this is becoming more confusing.

I still remember in my teen one guy from my neighbor asked me to be his friend.I did not come out from house for whole week with shame and horror.What will people say ? What if my parents find out? Will my  girl friends will be with me anymore or not ?What if their parents found out? What if whole neighbor hood found out ?

In collage and Uni I went two time with my friends and their boy friend like a group so no one could  found out .First time with my best friend and her boy friend to Sadar's KFC after Eid Millan party . She was my best friend at that time and I was there for her no matter what .In uni WE _the all whole group(all girls and one's boy)  went to have break fast around 10 to boat basin,Clifton. None of  them were for me but I was so scared to death .I felt so guilty afterward .

Since then I am hanging in between to date or not date or even to support it or not. Chances were pretty fat till I was student  but now as time passing I am not feeling up to it. Even till now I don't feel comfortable with man .May be I am not dare enough to keep a relationship in secret or in mobile. I still find this date,love and romance very fearful and shameful thing.My parents will hate me .

If ever  I catch some idiot  I would have to keep it  in bottle which I can't do.I am the one who will trumpet  it to the whole world. But now that part of me had died. I am no more taken .I am not daring to go all out with a guy . Only daring peeps can pull this thing not me.

 Usually raiding shows raid on those places  and talk on those issues which are consider wrong. I am right ? So what happened in that show she caught those teenagers and adults in park for  dating.

After that  someone  started a whole internet anti-Maya Khan campaign  and posted her private pictures on the Facebook. It went viral _real viral  !

People really got outraged at  her hypocrisy without knowing that those pictures of  her on  internet was actually rivalry against her. In fact all upper class liberal  is Ghairat Brigade  So her pictures did not shocked me at all. She is wearing sleeveless western cloths  in some party.On the country she tries to do be very righteous on T.V .This is your point, right ?

Why she  comes on T.V with  goody good stuff, makes moral polices, passes self-righteous judgments, and behaves like  Ghairat Brigade and wears western cloths in her pictures and doing party?

C'mom we are all are like that.

Not only that, Talat Hussein also did a whole show on a topic "morning show or cheep publicity"and next day  she has been  sacked  from Sama T.V. channel  with  all  her staff and her show has been closed  Her only  mistake was that she did not blur those couple's faces. Maybe because it was telecasting live or I don't know.

All those who are so outraged at her tell me will they  let their  sibling /children or husband to date at school/collage/work hours in park.(only for Pak peeps)? No!You are all lying and making me more confuse.You have different criteria for your women and different for others.How many of us says "' Hey ,mama I am going out with my boy friend" or how many parents says "" Hey ,babe have a good date "

There are other non stop raiding shows going on air almost everyday at every topic .Even ARY did exactly on same topic "dating"   where host Yasir was literary threatening   girls and asking their parents phone number so he could call their parents and tell them where their daughter  is (here). However  no one  clamp down on them . No media person and blogger  raised howls of protest against any of them. Just at her only after viewing her private pics.


  1. Izdiher where have you been I miss your posts! will comment on this post later inshaAllah i have something to say as well about it :) will be back

  2. Love is not a shameful thing, Izdiher. You can be fearful when it comes to you. But one shouldn't be shameful about it.

    You'll believe it when you'll fall in love. :)

  3. Your dilemma is understandable! One has to do things with discretion in societies which are still evolving and do not still accept many realities! One must take intelligent decision to follow the norms so that the feeling of elders are respected:)

  4. Me too...maybe more later, but for now I say,

    "Izdiher, when it really happens, that you fall hard for a man who is nice, caring, tender, understanding and loving, trustworthy, kind, cheerful brave, CLEAN, reverent, loyal, helpful, courteous and honorable (psssst...IS there such a man--grin!!!)...

    NEWAZ, when you fall deeply in love (I hope it IS that kinda guy!), you will not give a rat's ass what people say, or do, or think. All that will matter will be you and he. It will be as close to heaven (being in LOVE!) as a human can achieve in this life.

    You will see one day.

    Most countries in the world are not so structured as to prevent freedom of thought, and personal behavior. Living in U.S., I honestly had to doubt that some of what you wrote is true--BUT I BELIEVE YOU. And think it is a shame, that lots of your young Peeps are denied a PRIVILEGE of youth, experimentation. So that they know when that "love" time does arrive--they have ate and drank, and danced with others...finding the one finally....who Allah has sent.

    Sure I believe in any endeavor God is in charge. I also believe that God expects us to cooperate--to learn to live a good life, not by being sequestered--but by doing things, making mistakes. There IS ONLY ONE MISTAKE! That is NOT MAKING A MISTAKE--for that is the ONLY way to learn--by DOING!!!!

    Sorry if I made mistakes in the comment, but I wrote in great hurry, OK? (Now, I do not need to write another comment, ansha'Allah!)

    Love and PEACE! GP--grin!

  5. i know how ya feel. love is a crazy thing!

  6. Great sharing! Love is a gift from God, but doesn't mean you make love at park or elsewhere where you feel,haha.. It must have respect and true meaning of love. We all have fear in taking into any relationship, but we also need to give our self a chance to love and be loved, but in a right manner.

    Thanks a lot for this post..I understand how you feel. :)

  7. are REALLY a good writer,
    Izdiher Jan. Everything is very clear what you say, and what you mean, do not ever be concerned about that. I applaud you!

  8. Hello! I also live in a relatively conservative country. Although here, kids can choose who to date. The debate here just goes at what age is it ideal for a male / female to enter into a relationship. And when they enter to a relationship, the extent of their relationship becomes the next issue.

    I don't want to give advices because I know for myself that I am not the best in this field. :) What I only share to you is to always listen to your heart. It will tell you where your real happiness is. :D

  9. I think everyone have there own say, one is free to act as he likes but " your rule stops where my nose begins"

  10. This is a really, really, good post! I don't know what to say. Love is a wonderful feeling. ;) smile!

    Jewel Clicks

  11. Some cultures are different and what is acceptable in one culture may be completely unacceptable in another and that does not mean its wrong or right. its just different. and differences occur even in one country that has many different cultures and norms.

    YES! A lot of teens and young people date even when it's unacceptable but they will be in big trouble if they get caught.

    what she did was so uncool. who is she anyway to judge others and point at them that way whether they date or not! she has put their lives into danger over a scoop and just to get publicity not for the hope of a better change in society!

    she is hypocrite and some day she will face the results of her actions.

    and happy birthday Izdiher :) i hope you enjoyed it

  12. I'm so glad you wrote this post!
    Your opinion is completely sensible.

    I think it was wrong of Maya Khan to expose the teenagers like that on live TV without their consent. It was so obvious they didn't want to recorded.

    But it IS wrong in islam and in our culture to date, so we can say her motives were good.

    Basically I think that if she is going to point fingers, she needs to make sure her actions are clean first, which they are not, so she had no right to invade the teens privacy.

    And if she wanted a show on this topic, she should not have done it on live television.

  13. Hey nice post.. U have expressed your feelings well.. Dating is considered as a crime in the place where u stay then whatever feeling you have regarding it is obvious and everybody would think in the similar way if they were on your place.

    But here at the place where I stay the TV shows are made if a boy/girl are not Loyal to their partner.. Its called as Loyalty Test.. U can youtube these shows called as Emotional Atyachaar and it is the popular show though. But even then a middle class family will never accept their daughter or son dating someone here..

  14. It must be very difficult. Of course in every society there are rules however there are those who argue for them but do not apply them to themselves. In other words "Do as I say, do not do as I do!" As for romance, well again it varies from culture to culture, however it is as natural as breathing, without it the world would be such a duller place. Although it is true that romance and love are not always the same thing.

  15. That woman!!!! Although I don't understand the language but after reading the whole post and comments, I get the picture. I live in a Muslim country too but I guess not as extreme as Pakistan.

    This why I can never understand the common sense of a culture in my life... even my own...

    Well girl, you got all my support!! :D You know what to do when time comes and I'm very sure by the time, you won't be afraid anymore. All I can say is, becareful. :)

    Take care...

  16. Take care, Izdiher, I'm a fan of yours!

  17. You have a point in what you're writing.
    My answer to your poll is: to date.
    Miss Starshiny

  18. This is such a difficult issue to deal with! Every country is different but even then there are different cultures within that country. My advice is to just do what you feel right, if you don't feel ready then just wait until your time comes :)

  19. Hello Izdiher!
    Ironic isn't it, how the word "love" causes so much "hate". I think that we have forgotten that people are the ones who build society and not the other way around. We have become so obsessed with maintaining this so-called system of ours that we simply ignore the reason why we have a system in the first place. With such gruesome acts being committed it is hard to believe that human beings are social animals. I am all for peace.

    I read other posts of yours as well and might I say that you are pretty bold and courageous in expressing yourself. I like this attitude of yours. Also, I got to read of a different perspective and a different way of living than I am accustomed to.

    I look forward to read more on your views. Take care! :)

  20. I know that it can be difficult to shed cultural values that have been imposed upon us for so long, and some of which we abide by. Yet, when they become confining, I think we have to take risks in order to live. (I'm not one to speak, as I can be cowardly, but cultural conventions aren't always logical or reasonable). WE won't be young for ever, either.

  21. I have decided that I am going to take you on a date someday.

  22. If one feels one is in love then that person should immediately get married or stay takes the fun part out of marriage.....i know dating is alot of fun in the beginning but detrimental in the long run.....there is no peace in anything out of wedlock....

    I'd give any day to be on your shoes be entirely single before have my spouse as my first love.....

  23. Izdiher,
    sorry to say but i think its your inferiority complex is speaking.
    because u did not got the date in your prime time.
    thats why u wanna back up these vigil aunties brigida.