Sunday, August 16, 2015

This happens all the time.

Going for anything rather than work is a struggle for me. The biggest problem I am facing right now in my life is that I don't have a single like minded person around me with whom I can go out. For that I need at least one person.

 There are a lots of things I want to do ( alone). Sometimes I need company because I don't know. Because I am not allowed.

 Like for going to the  light house  about which I have been  making plan since the  last four  weeks with  K,  seems like it is not happening. Last Sunday she said her aunt is coming. Today she is saying, she is not at home.

She will ask her parents.

A and N are item. They are into each other and going any where with them is like a mistake. They get personal and I feel like a maid. M has sold her cam. Last time, when she asked me to go Arts Council with her I went with her instantly. She needed a company, but she was without cam so she was not stopping anywhere. Her father was constantly calling her. We reached Sadar for a while but it was also of no use. We couldn't have our french fries and juice.

When the mind is distracted and you are in hurry, no work can be done.

Then there is A, who come to my place and spends hour telling me her boy friends' stories. Whenever in a blue moon I need her to go for shpoing or ice cream, it is a big NO. Her mother will message that she is not at home.

I mean what type of bygarti is this? When I am doing stuff for you, you gotta pay for it by doing a favor for me.   It is an obvious universal rule:  Nothing is for free. My time is precious, when you sit at my sofa and tells me stupid stories you have to do something in return.

I  am a human too. I have my needs too.

I also need permission from my parents as well to go, which is OK. Everyone is like that here. Everyone is so damn   family oriented. My family is with me 24/7 allhumdullah but it doesn't me I have no life, interest and what so ever.

On weekends when I am relax and can do so many things. Sometimes when my mom's mood is good I can go somewhere. And if her mood is not so good, and she thinks I should not, I don't. It sure gets frustrated  too but this is my life.

 I don't want to change it at all.

Changing for better (which I have tried a lot) means I will get the worst for sure. This happens all the time.So, no !

 I am doing whatever the hell I am doing is doing to my life. When I can change for better and this is my right why can't I do it? Where there is so much bandish, chains?

Even at uni I have to give explanation and see her ugly face making ceremony,  if I want to go out at 1 to 2 noon, which is my lunch time.

 1 to 2 noon, is a time when employees can go out for lunch. It is a force that I eat with them. Because of all that, I decided to not attend 14 August celebration.

DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, understood?

It is vomiting able. I mean you tell me,  at the age of 29,  for doing something legit, I have to give explanation and  ask permission every fucking  time?

Would not I be frustrated?

Everyone needs to understand that I am not there fucking business.

I have wasted enough time with losers and their gharalu loser pan. Now I want to work.

I went to market with mom and bought fish to make Fish Biryani.


  1. You and me both sister.. We are in the same boat.. It's like I was reading something about my life as I read this post..

  2. There are certain people who are naturally good listeners, it is easy for people to unburden themselves with a good listener. It is a blessing or a curse depending on how you view it, where it becomes a real problem when we introduce expectation into the equation for in my experience it just leads to frustration. Best to listen and bless them and expect nothing back in return, that way no frustration. It must be so difficult to when your heart and soul seeks independence and your circumstances are such that it is not possible.