Monday, March 27, 2017

Life as it is.

One of my friend says that she is depressed because she is still single. Her aim in life is to get married, so as mine. I do reach out to her as much as I can. I call her off and on I couldn't visit her apartment. She tells me that she is depressed but OK with it. Despite having education she doesn't want to work.She doesn't like going out. To her women job is not to work outside her home. It is man's duty to work all day and provide her all the basic necessitates. Earning is his responsibility.

One day, maybe next month, next year, God willing, she sure will be happily married to some amazing guy who would have same mindset. Actually there are many who thinks like that. Her time had not come yet. Neither mine.

However, right now it is not happening to both of us. We both is figuring out our lives.  

To some extend, she is right but we have our differences. Man should be earning as much as he can be. He can be the prime bread earner in this economic if he can be, but it doesn't mean women can't do anything beyond home making. Taking care of home is a serious business. It is man's responsibility too. Saying that he should earn, she should look after home merely is actually not that practical. Both have to make home, and take care of the family. Those kids are "his" kids too. That house is his "house" too. He has to play his role in bringing up instead of just providing finance.

Gone those days of big veranda houses with so many people to support you. Today's economics is different. And we are deliberately ignoring it. 

She also quotes sayings and examples of holy prophets, peace be upon him, when women of that time were also more modern and out going then today's time. They also had help. Kids were raised by deie/aya/nanny. That society and economic situation were quite different from ours. So quoting their sayings and examples without having much knowledge is not a wise thing. We will make our situation more complicated.  

Today's women is more burdened and tired. And it is mostly mental exhaustion, We all have to work no matter work. We want her to do everything perfectly. She is trying everything in her capacity to be a good women. Life is not that difficult, lass.

If you wanna work, work. There will be sacrifice. You will be away from the comfort of your home, and child. In the end of the month you will get pay cheque. If you wanna stay at home, stay. None of you  is superior or inferior. 

No woman hate her home. Work has its place too. It is also something which defines you in so many ways. I dunno where Islam tells women to stop doing things for herself. There are many Muslim women doing all they wanna do in hijab and burqa in Pakistan and outside. These hundred versions of Islam has created so much problem.

A wise woman knows what is best for her. We should mind our own business. I have seen women giving all her to her home and kids feeling so worthless after when kids are grown up living their lives. She is depend on her father, brothers, then husband and later kids. She does nothing for herself. 

I know, family first. Home first. But working or dong things for yourself is not selfish at all. It's every humans basic need. It makes us happy. If you are not happy, your home is not happy.

That is why I encourage my fellow women to do what makes them happy. 

But like I said each to their own.There are lots of unhappy women I do meet. But how amazingly they justify it is applause able.

Good cognitive dissonance, I must say. 

I personally wasted my 5 years in deciding what should I do with my life. I could have done my MS long ago, had more experience, more confident and doing much better than I am doing right now. To be honest, I am struggling in every aspect of life. 

I had no religious fever. I was in ignorance. I was not motivated. There was no one for me to guide me that marriage is not happening for you. Move your ass. Do something better/else.

I am still stuck in rut. My coping mechanism is poor. My speech is rough. I panic. I get irritated. Last year I met someone. I thought he is the one. It felt so right. I was happy. I was happy at work. But later things got difficult. No need to go in those details. But I am again less motivated. Sometimes I have no one to talk to. That is life. No complains. This is my battle. However, fact is still there. I wasted ample of time for no reason. 

Due to job, my days are productive. It is weekends which kills me. I have my blog, I do photography off and on. Staying at home all day long was never my thing. Home is heaven no doubt. Neither I am running away from my responsibilities, whatever I have now. 

There are so many things which I can't change. I have accepted it. My nature is wild. Doing things on time, properly, sitting quietly for hours was never my thing either. I am doing all somehow despite not wanting. Things can't be always the way I want. There are things I can change. I am doing my bit. You may not know, sometimes it gets so difficult to cop up with.

Things take time. Most of the time we are wrong. Lots of people consider me running away from making home. It is not like that. I am good in balancing. Workload never made me irritated. I enjoy doing things. Sitting idle and overthinking is just waste of time.

There was a time when I wanted to leave Karachi so badly. Not anymore. It was just an escape and it didn't happen either. My life is here.

Work is definitely not a solution of depression. Money is not happiness. We all need to end up with someone. Marriage is one permanent thing. We all want to love and be loved. This is basic human nature. Fulfilling life is only possible if we have good relationships with other people. Marriage gives us sense of belonging. We later have kids. Life gets purpose. We have to start our own family sooner or later because other lives their life. No one is gonna reach out to us.

Somehow, she is right.

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  1. this is a deep insight into your heart and you will find your way

  2. such an impressive writing. You are a wise woman! Love from malaysia.