Saturday, August 10, 2019

Who are you?

Criticism is an act of giving your opinion or judgment about the good or bad qualities of something or someone. When in reality it is a blessing in disguise, which is actually helping us to get better.  The most honest form of communication which should wake you up. However, everyone is not that mature enough to take criticism...even a wee bit. It hurts. 

Many poor souls take it too personally. And consider mere criticism as personal attack. For them a simple advice is too much to handle. For them, it is an offend. That where the problems starts.

I personally know small people in big offices going psycho when they are told how wrong they are. Actually, they have high defensive mechanism and authoritarian personalities. It crushes their false pride. They get annoyed, flare up  and even take revenges because of this cognitive dissonance. This shows their sad lives: their abusive past, their stressful present reality and how they view themselves.

We can totally understand: weak characters, immaturity, insecurity, and high egos with authoritarian.  Otherwise normal healthy people are always cool with such things  because no matter how harsh criticism is, in the end it is still you: how you take it.

First of all, suck it up. You are not special, unique, sacred, or perfect. You don’t own this world either. Neil deGrasse Tyson is so right. It is ego. In his own words, he says:

“If your ego starts out, 'I am important, I am big, I am special,' you're in for some disappointments when you look around at what we've discovered about the universe. No, you're not big. No, you're not. You're small in time and in space. And you have this frail vessel called the human body that's limited on Earth. “

A Swiss psychologist, Jean Piaget says that:

“Ego-centrism is, in its essence, an inability to differentiate between the ego and the social environment.”
Some institutions also find it difficult to be written off. ( Yes, I am exactly going there.)  As the famous quote of Kevin Alfered Strom in his program All America Must Know the Terror That is Upon Us" (1993)  goes, " To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize."

Allow me to rain your parade. This is 2019…an age of information.  No law can stop a person to criticize you. Authoritarian style is so backward and outdated. Stopping people from being vocal is controlling. People are educated, and much aware. They know their rights. The time of making people fool by threatening, pressures, projecting blames on them, and blackmailing don’t work anymore. People are smart and have access to the whole world.  Controlling tactics have been exposed.  Constitutions of Pakistan grants the freedom of Information ( Article 19 a). Nothing is confidential. 

Even prophets are being criticized. Holy places are being flamed. 

So who are you? 

And why no can criticize you?

Let me burst another bubble. You are not being criticize for no reason. Criticism is always done when there is something to criticize at the first place. Being open to criticism is healthier, sign of maturity and good for everyone. Resistance is a painful thing.

Instead of flaring up, take a breath. Ask yourself what you can do to make things better. Analysis how much truth is in that criticism.

A person who is mature is always take such challenges positively. He/she accepts the mistakes and amend them as soon as possible. Recognizing and accepting the weaknesses is a daring thing. We all are vulnerable. We all can be biased sometimes.

“It’s far easier to get defensive and deny responsibility, or become overwhelmed with shame for our act of imperfection or ignorance. Being able to acknowledge when we’re in the wrong takes humility, self-compassion and courage.” — Megan Bruneau, Psychotherapist & Executive Coach.
Mature people are responsible and they take control of themselves, their emotions and feelings. They know reacting will only make them look like a joker.

The other thing is listening. Listen carefully what other is saying with the intention of understanding. It can solve so many problems. Ego should never get in your way, as it will only make you blame others. Last but not the least. Let it go. Everyone has a right to criticize. And you can’t help it. So better is to let go. Beating yourself up with only hurt you.

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