Wednesday, May 6, 2020

With Hardship, Come Ease

"With Hardship, Come Ease" is a  project where I am collecting personal narrative and stories of brave and strong people from all over the world to  assess the concept of resilience. How we humans  hit rock bottom and how we bounce back. It is in blog form right now :

I would be great if you be the part of if and share your story with me. 

Have you ever felt done/ lost with your life? 

What kept you going? 

Be open, be vulnerable. Be raw. 

Last but not least. How you got control over the situation? What was that exact thin which gave you hope to be alive again? 
Also give at least one advice in the end for those who are going through the tough time.

We all go through a lot at some point in our lives.  I am a firm believer that with every hardship there comes ease. Life has never been a bed of roses for anyone. Some are warriors and survivors. Unfortunately few become victims. Interesting thing is that we humans are thick skin. We mostly survive.  The journey becomes easy when we listen others stories of hope.  

This is the  aim and object of the study. It is also OK if you want to go anonymous. Send me your entries with your age, location and a photo here or to:

Monday, May 4, 2020

The morning time

Sometimes getting up in the morning becomes a task for me. Yesterday I slept till 12:30 am. There were lots of work to do but I just couldn't find the strength and motivation to get up. Am I becoming depressed? This is going on since last two years.  The motivation to get up is never there. It feels like I am salve of my feelings which are low. 

Morning time is my favorite time of the day. I am always in the awe of sun rising. The soft, diffused light of the Ishraq/ Sun rise turning into orange gradually is the most beautiful thing to watch. Everything is so vivid, and peaceful. Just the sound of birds. Indeed there are sings for those who wanna see it. I always try to sleep at night to get up early. But getting outta bed is totally different story. Sometime I watch the whole process from my window. 

Today, I decided to stay awake and be productive after sahur. Had my tea and wow. I am awake and loving it. 

My focus was in wrong things. Constantly thinking about those things were harming me. I was going into depression. Allhumdullah there is light. This quite time in morning when everyone is sleeping at my home gives me enough time to appreciate life. I feel OK now. It dawns on me that I am a week person. My actions were actually reactions depending on my moods. I was thinking it is alright. And that is the way to react. A control and patience are something people develop. They are strong and successful people.  I never knew how small things matter. 

Friday, April 24, 2020

Ramadan Kareem 2020

The month of Ramadan is gonna start from tomorrow in Pakistan. I ring in this blessed month with open heart. This time around there is no uncertainty, no fear and no sadness. My heart is healing. I am happy with whatever is with me. I am accepting things which I can't change. Indeed, I was lost. My biggest enemy is me and my expectations. This pandemic made me realized that nothing is forever. The quarantine is best thing happened to me. It takes a lot of time to understand small things. At least to me ! I have never been that sharp. It is okay if I couldn't achieved this and that. Life can go on. I am alive. So much at peace. 

Hope you have blessed days and night.

Thursday, April 16, 2020

Work keeps me sane

With in an hour, I will go to sleep. Since last 5 days, my routine has been upset. One of my school friends added me on my school reunion group of Facebook. Some one set up the union group of school. With in a day, people from every batches joined. My other batch mates found me and asked me to join the class group on What's App. I said OK. We are meeting after some 20 years.

There was time, even couple of month ago I was reluctant to meet them when out of sudden one old class mate  invited me in some get to gather in  November, last year on Fb.  He was in Pakistan. I blocked him.

There was never anything serious but there was always something which we both could never figure out.  Even now. Just had three phone calls during school days. How silly and naive. After school, he and another girl got hitched. I was never in the picture. We had causal talks and nothing else which could be called a  relationship.  Funny thing they didn't end up together either. Somehow he still remember me. We talked on phone. We both are grown adults now. 

He told me about his breakup with that girl. It was too much for him. He had paralysis attack later. In 2015, he got married and have a  3 year old beautiful son. I am happy for him and he is happy for me. 
I don't have much memory with them. They are very nice people. I am just never attached to anything or anyone, ever. That's how I am detached. And that is what is bothering me. Why I am like this? Why can't I be the part of those who went school with me? Who still remember me to found me.  

After school, my financial condition didn't allow me to hangout like others did. They have a bond and memories together. I was always quite, with my two close friends. Confused about feeling and plain dumb gal. 

Everyone is happy. Married, kids, living their lives. This is an other reason I am avoiding going there. They would ask me about my martial status and kids_which I don't have any at a moment. I am just not into texting and talking as well. Actually, I am talking to no one. It exhausts me. 

Work keeps me sane. I have build up my life in a different way. Most of the time, I can't relate to their talks. The main topic is always school memories, Do you remember him/her/this or that? I was there with them all the time...technically but I can't recall anything significant enough to be the part of conversation. Majority are into fun talk to pass their time. I do deep talks for hours.

My main circle is so mature.   

See you.

Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Non serious attitude of people

I went out to buy basic grocery after 15 days just for hardly 45 minutes around 1:15 pm. To my horror, no one was following social distancing. My route was service road of gulistan-e-Jauher, block 18, till perfume chowk. There were a masjid, 3 banks and ATMs and general stores on my way. 
Salah was offering in congregation. Despite marks for distance, people were standing so closed as today is really the end of the world outside the banks and ATMs. ( I wouldn't tolerate this closeness even in normal day). Same type of crowd was on general stores buying as much as they could. This condition is almost in every general or super stores, be it karyana store or Imtiaz supper market. 
Media of all sort are full with news, facts and figure. This pandemic has shaken the whole world. We are, officially in lock down. This also not the first day of pandemic either. The msg of social distancing, washing hands and other precautions has reached the large number of people if still not to all. We are almost all aware that precaution is the only solution. 

Question here rises is that why public is not taking this seriously?
 This is not 1938, where Orson Wells from Mercury Theater, is checking the power of media by narrating radio adaptation of "War of the Word" on CBS. We are in real war. Media is doing its bit. This is not panic broadcast. All msgs are to educate and aware the public about the Covid19. 
Why people are not taking this msg seriously? Why people are not understanding social distancing?
 Have media failed to informed public properly?
 Are we having media dysfunction, an opposite unction of media of numbing due to too much information of Covid19?
 Or our public need classes to stand still in queue.

Friday, March 27, 2020

In the time of corona virus

It has been ages I haven't write much like I used to write. Is blogging dead or something? My reason of not doing it much is work. Not only physically, it is mentally exhausted too. I am most of the time shagged out to do anything else. Then, there were so many other personal things which were taking over me. And once you break the routine, then it become quite difficult to get it back. 

But anyho ! 

I wanna keep doing it. I wanna keep blogging. All I need is a routine. Due to this outbreak of Covid19 everything is on stand by in the whole world. We are all in quarantine. At one time I was thinking the world is about to end.;[[l I am in house since March 16. I went to shopping with a co worker. She wanted a dress like I had in DICE event. At that time, fear, panic and out break wasn't that much censorious. We went to whole sale market, opposite Bolton Market. It is at main M.A Jinnah road. Then we went to Parsi Colony and had lemon cake from Cillie's. She invited me for lunch at her home after our shopping. 

After that we had a partial lock down. 

 Before that, I went to women March on March 8. 

It wasn't a pandemic yet, over here. It was also thinking that it is st a flu virus type thing which will go away. In China, it was since November. Around January, Wuhan got proper lock down. It was not even in news here till late February when patients started appearing. 

People are still not understanding this Covid19. In the beginning we all were clueless. Government of Sindh province did best thing to shut down educational institution in  first week of March and other places where public can gather lie malls, restaurants and cinemas at first place since March 17. We are officially shut down from March 20 till April.

But now when everyone has got what this virus is and what and how does spread, time to be sensible. Looks like government is trying to explain and putting people in homes. Last night, praying in congregational was banned by Sindh Government but as I am seeing in news and social media, videos and pictures of people still praying in masjid is being circulated. They somehow unable to understand that praying in home in this difficult time is not anti Allah. This all lock down is for our safety.

It started in Pakistan, when pilgrims came from Iran and Saudia Arabia in late February. We also have other religious preaching programs like Ijtimas in large numbers now. Some contracted from there. Religion is still sensitive topic to discus. Banning religious gathering openly and by force is asking for trouble. Well, if they want to have virus and transmit it to others then, bravo to our public. Saudi Arabia is able to shut down masajid and postpone annual Haj of this year due to authoritative government. What Iran did is beyond my understanding. No comments. Like, my life motto: no need to help those who don't want help. No need to comment. It is waste of time. 

All of them foreign returned people carried on meeting others instead of quarantine themselves. It figures. Patients started multiplying. So far number of patients are more than thousand. 

I personally know lots of people who are against Lock down along with our Mr. PM Imran Khan. The are more concerned about economy then the lives of million of people which will be affected by Covid 19 in long terms. This is not just flue virus. As we have seen, how it hit hard in China, Italy besides many other European countries, Iran, and now USA. Numbers of effected people and deaths are increasing. 

Unfortunately, there is no vaccine so far, and not enough testing kit. Only solution is maintaining social distance, hygiene and quarantine. That's how China could be able to flatten the curve and control the epidemic. Things got horrid in Italy because people took it light. Even in strick lock down they were doing party with neighbors and going for hair cut. 

Other problem is health care system of ours. How will be handle it if numbers will go on, when developed countries are still unable to manage it? Prevention is better than cure medicine. Government should take more bold steps and impose curfew.

Quarantine is indeed difficult. I try to isolate my self for hours and a day from hectic routine, especially when it comes to people. Mt problem is that I am too soft to myself. Having a control keeps life in moderate mode. It was an strange urge to be with other other person. I was looking for someone. And that was at some point problematic. I lost my equilibrium.

This quarantine is blessing in so many ways. I am gathering all my pieces together.  I only meet relevant people and go for specific work only. Time is a strange thing. When we want it, it is not there, and when it is here, we are unable to make use of it.

 This quarantine is too long. Reading book has become the most tiring thing. Watching news and logging in to any social media is giving me anxiety now.

Other than that life is so much better. It will be more better. 

Hopefully, we will be able to flatten the curve and get rid of this pandemic a soon as possible. 

Wednesday, March 18, 2020

Maintaining distance.

It is good to see that the notion of social distance is talk of the town due to this notorious Covid 19. All I wish is that it catch on once and for all amid general public as well. Actually we don’t understand the importance of maintaining distance physically and emotionally with strangers as well. 

Living in desi society, where everyone is brought up to mind other’s business, it gets so difficult to make others understand that getting personal is unhealthy. They consider such person a snob. Been there, done that.  When in reality this is called boundaries. Every person has a right to maintain that boundary when closeness becomes so uncomfortable. Giving space is basic etiquette.

Everyone is not social. Getting personal for no reason, or especially when someone has clearly ask for maintaining a distance or staying in quest to find out about others personal life is unhealthy habit. But, in our environment, it is other way around. If you show little bit of discomfort from such unnecessary closeness, new can of warms will be open for you. You will be called rude and what not.
Your crime is that you are not people’s people. Some of us are private person. Some of us are introverts. 

Mean to say, we mind our own business and don’t like others interference in our business in return. It is not easy to open in front of everyone. It depends on relationships to relationships. Location and time matter. We should respect others and their choices unless and until they are not criminals and harmful to others. No body owns no one. Life will be so easy if we only think about our self.

It is also an okay thing if someone is not close to you. Many are predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things. They don’t find the closeness comfortable. It is exhausting. There is another kind: an outgoing, socially confident person. Respect each type. Take as they are. Sky wouldn’t fall if we mind our own business.