Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Gimme a break.

See, the thing I am saying is after lot of  realistic realization. I told Ammi  very crystal  clearly that  this arrange thing ain't  working for me. You are wasting your time and energy. And I am saying this for her good as well. I know she is a  mother and way concerned about me. It's my parents who will  take a final decision. And I have no intention of doing anything against their wish or will. Neither I am some wanna be rebel who wants to break tradition or something.

But talking with her is so complicated on the other hand. She is feeling I am disobeying her and burst  into tears. I didn't mean to do that .I was just asking for a break from these rishta meetings. Later she told papa with  spice coated  that she is not interested in marriage and  she will run away. She is becoming baadameez, besharam and awarah. Obviously he became angry with me  :( .

Typical Desi parents dramabazi and black mailing .

When did I say I ain't taken  in marriage!  Sure I am. I  have tried it.OK . Now, I am 26. I need a break.

This is going on for  so long. I don't mind  any rejection at all. People don't find me  suitable for their son. OK, I am cool  with it. Way cool. It is their matter and they have every right to choose whatever they want. Believe me. After every No I say zillion ,trillion thanks to Allah. I feel GOOODDDDDDDD and FREEEEEEEEEEEE.

Actually truth is deep down in my heart  I have never accepted this. Now you saw, my feelings were not that wrong! It is not working out .

I also  have no interest in anyone's parents. When hijabi /abaya mothers come I cover my head. When modern comes I put my duppata in my neck. When they against  woman working I say I am not working. Most of the time I am nodding or shaking my head. Ufff,  I have had no idea  one day I be that sorta liar.

That is why in front of them I look uninterested and blank faced. I am not honest in these meeting. And  it shows off.

Arrange marriage ain't that creepy thing either. My parents did some 27 years ago. They are goddamn happy ever after. Papa says he fall in love with Ammi after marriage. And 70 % people do  arrange marriage and no one is sad. Everyone is good. It works for them. Divorce rate is relatively lesser than any other type of marriage. Every one is living pretty safe and planned life which is good for them .

I am so worried. I don't even have a plan B. I wish life was a fairy tale.

If I find him
If I just follow
Would he hold me and never let me go
Would he let me borrow his wool winter coat
I don't know, I don't Know

I ain't that dumb. Definitely I will find him  :D .

Just freaking out and feeling lost. I wish life was a fairy tale.

Listening Rosie Thomas song "Say Hello '' 


  1. It's okay to not have a Plan B. I know arranged marriages work for some people but not for others. That's okay. You are ONLY 26 and still have time. And you'll find him. I think that's the biggest takeaway from my comment - don't worry, you'll find him :)

  2. İzdihër, I cannot believe there is not a queue of young men at your door. With any relationship, whether arranged or not, is the ability to care and share with your partner and of course being prepared to compromise.

    Don´t be lost, be happy and just know who you are. Then the rest will take care of itself!

  3. You have it tough Izdiher. Life can be unnecessarily complicated sometimes. May you find a solution soon.

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  5. hi dear. i'm sure everything will be fine.. maybe you just need time then you'll feel fine :)
    take care and be strong.
    xoxo, Haus of Gala

  6. Oh girl, can't even imagine how you feel... Let it just be and in sha Allah everything will be ok :)

  7. Hahahahahahahahahah wowww im not shadi material either. All this shaid stuff is boring mtlb yarrrrr i knw exactly how u feel and the kind of awkward conversations u have with ur mum!!! Idk why some parents wont get it that forced arrange marriage is only gonna ruin their child's life, and they dont want it, yet they still do it!!!

  8. Izdiher:

    I don't know who John is who left you a comment, but he's a smart man and you should listen to his advice. Your life will unfold the way it is supposed to. Sit back and enjoy the ride.

  9. Understand it is tough for you right now. I read this recently and it helped a lot: Everything will be ok, God is working things out. Take it easy on yourself and keep shining. The right one for you will come at the right moment. Sending much love and keeping you in my prayers. xx

  10. Your words are so impressive..

    Kind regards,

  11. Oh you are the same age as my nund! We have been going through the rishta visits for like three years, it is sooo stressful! InshAllah you'll find the one for you, whether in an arrange marriage or not.

  12. Wish I could give you huge hugs, Lzdiher!!! Just know I'm thinking about you and have all the faith in the world that things will work out perfectly, exactly when they're supposed to.

  13. See, our desi drama parents. Well Izdiher, don't keep on thinking about his. Enjoy the present don't think of the future. Like I am doing. I concentrate on what I want, not what others want me to do. I am a big girl now, I can take decisions on my own.

  14. the music is wonderful. can u send me the link pls.

    you visited my blog several times. thank you so much for your lovely comments. you too have a wonderful blog. i love the layout style. will visit again and happy to stay connected my friend.

    cheers! happy blogging:)

  15. SHE:
    "...If I find him, will he be nice, share his wool coat when I'm cold?.."

    "...I have half a mind to say what I'm thinking...but I don't know. I don't know..."

    Iz, this is beautiful song (I can understand the words, thank you--grin!).

    Only one wrong word: she sings "IF I find him..." It should be "...WHEN I find him..."

    Positively positive!! I like!

    Some Peeps seem to think--from your words--that you are stressed about the "him".

    My reading uncovered that you are concerned about your parents, that you want to obey, don't want to hurt, yet want to be honest, yet couch that honesty into a "MAYBE"--grin!

    Of course, only YOU really 'know'. But I'll wager that you are already as some of your Peeps have expressed--not greatly upset about the whole damn thing.

    My guess--grin!--is that you will survive NMW (No Matter What) and happiness will follow YOU--you'll not have to SEEK it.

    ENOUGH from me! We all trust that every outcome is eventually in God's Hand, even though we "tried our best" to direct it differently. LOL!

    Bless you.
    PEACE from American AS IF!

  16. My darling.. it doesn't matter arranged marriage or love marriage.. as long as we can love & accept each other's weakness and be each other's strength; it'll be a wonderful fairy tale!
    You will find your true love, your fairy tale.. Allah has planned everything.. when the time comes, you'll know it! You'll be the happiest bride ever! You'll be the most loving wife, the most gifted mother.. the list will go on and on.. ... live happily ever after! ;)
    p/s: Don't forget to invite me for your wedding then ;)

  17. I am in utter shock right now. This is the first time I have encountered something like this. I just see arranged marriage on TV and they were not true.

    Okay, I'm holding my breath. I'm 21 and I don't have a girlfriend yet but I know that God has spared someone right for me.

    Love. Just a four letter word yet so hard to find. But for a beautiful girl like you, izdiher. He might be just on your doorstep tomorrow.

  18. Can understand how you must be feeling. The mood when you get all freaky, really sucks! All the best. Its okay not to have a plan B!

  19. I tend to agree with John and Steve. Stay positive. Birth, marriage and death are in God's hands. Whatever happens I wish you much happiness and many blessings. Sending you love and hugs.

  20. Do u know why isn't it working out? Its said that marriages are made in heaven and Jodi toh upar wala banata hai na? So all the proposals you have got till now were't the right one. So lets wait for that Mr.Right who is made for this beautiful girl Izi:) To be frank I totally believe in arrange marriage thing. Its so much thrill and I feel its perfect:)

  21. EWWW...the word famous shaadi drama O_o...I hate it too....all I can do is wish u good luck:)

  22. It takes guts and courage to withstand the pressures of society. But in the long run it is worth it. To be honest with our self is the only way to happiness - I believe that God tells us to be honest and never to lie - if it is so, we should not pretend and give in to pressures , we should do what we believe is right, which gives us peace of mind. I did the same. I took my own decisions and now I am happy. I do not have to pretend.
    Your heart knows the truth.
    If you listen to your heart and be courageous and willing to wait a little, have a little more patience , then the truth will appear before you in due course of time.
    Just one last word : listen to your heart, everything else does not matter,
    Take care

  23. mmmmm I can relate to that and I had this same situation with my mother.

    I always show not that interested about this idea when people come.. on the last time, i told my parents i no longer want to live this situation anymore. I'm not a product to be purchased. my mom got pissed off LOL but my father was ok about it.

    i don't know. I definitely understand what you are talking about.. But all in due time and inshaAllah you will find him soooooooner than you think :)

  24. Oh Yaar,,fiker Not, everything will be OK.your post is really based on truth,you are right girl..dont worry..and these rishta meetings(I have never met any 1 till now,,thanks God)seems hectic,,
    All the best honey :)

  25. It's normal to feel that way. I mean, you're lucky you don't know some of the things I know and I'm also freaking out at the moment because of those things. So, yeah. Uff. But, don't rush things. For me, I'd rather be alone than be in bad matrimony. May Allah aza wa jal help us all. Aameen.

  26. cheer up ..
    hmm i don't know that plan marriage still exist....
    anyway ..ur parents just concerns about u...
    good luck ya ..

  27. I'm going through the same phase dear!
    can relate to what you've written..
    Hope you will meet your Prince Charming soon....:)
    All the best :)

  28. I like to choose my mate and her choose me back.

  29. Thanks for writing to me on I am following you.

    I went through a similar experience in my 20's. Then I just met the perfect man. We married in 1984 and are even more in love every year. I know that it can happen for you, too.

    Life can be like a fairy tale in some ways, but once you are together there are ups and downs, and life is a test of character. The best ones just keep getting better all the time, no matter how difficult the circumstances are.

    Have a great weekend,


  30. Hi izi, ..:) There's always time for everything..:) And I'm pretty sure you will find HIM..:) Blessed day to you!:)

  31. There is a time and a season for everything under the sun! Your time will come!!! ;)

    His Cup...

  32. I am certain he will come and offer the best that you deserve. Have a happy life. Inshallah!

  33. I wish u find your Mr Right asap...and get rid of the family drama...:)Take care...:)

  34. Nice blog...

    wud like to have your views

  35. I love your blog! so gonna follow u

  36. Hey Izdiher! Hang in there, I'm in the same boat as you, and also feeling very angry, I don't have the guts yet to tell my mom this isn't working..but I'm being passive aggressive about it, as in I'm arguing about everything else under the sun! Inshallah our time will come, I just wish it wasn't such a stupid process, and sometimes rather painful. Argh! Just be yourself girl, and it'll be fine, you are such an honest straighforward sweet gal, just be yourself, someone whoe appreciates you for who you really are is the one who deserves you. Hopefully he exists and is not a figment of our romance novels/movie fuelled imagination!

    P.S what was the background music you put on your blog and then was enchanting :-)

    take care

    p.p.s thanks for the award <3

  37. Aww that sucks. I'm never Okey with arrange marriage. I'm glad that I don't have to face this in my life. And talking about this, Allah had choose the right person for each women. Some manage to find them n some don't. So don't worry to much dear. Tell ur parents that. Everything is in God's hand.


  38. I can see some working out... if gone about the right way and given the utmost attention, a little digging and a little investigating into the inner workings of the supposed man that you will be marrying.. Dwelve deeper into his soul.. are you allowed to ask him questions? What if questions? Is so, utilized those and if one thing is off about him.. then by all means, make his parents hate you! LOL! but like with any marriage, it takes time and commitment. Many women rush into marriages and they fall apart within the first year. It sounds like your parents were very blessed! To hear the kind words your father has to say about your mother.. I bet it makes your mom blush! You just gave me an idea for my next post by the way! Or maybe my next second or third post.. I have tons of ideas that I'm working on. Have faith and be patient! Sometimes, Mr. Right finds you and sometimes, you may not even realize it! Good luck to you and I hope that one day you will be as blessed if not more as your parents! Everyone deserves to be happy!

  39. Aww, it's okay.
    Your parents need to be more understanding but I guess there is a generation gap and they don't fully understand the situation you are in.

  40. my dear Izdiher:
    it's their lost for not choosing you and also you are very nice person and you will find the good man some day due to our God will do this inshaAllah.
    don't feel sad her in my Arabian socity the same , parents want their duaghters getting married to a good men , so i know how your parents felt when you told them '' you wanna break''.
    i wish you meet your soulmate one day ,and remeber you're still Young :)

    p.s: sorry i didn't read your previous posts , you know i didn't have internet when you posted them :)

  41. okhti habibty, i know that all ur lovely honest friends had felt a good comments 4 u, but what i know that ur destiny in marriage didn't come yet, and u have to talk with ur parents frank and tell them that when my destiny comes i'll be marriage in a moment, but also i understand that u get awful of meeting parents proposers, you shouldn't, i mean u have to meet them because some time arranging marriage works so good cause every thing is by God willing and God do the best for us, but i ask u to ask God in ur prayers to send u the best, ask God that the one who comes will be like Mohamed prophet morals, peace be up on him, then u will got the best man in the word, plus u have to ask God and u r sure & confidence that ur asking will become true inshaAllah . and dear don't forget to make estekhara prayer always. and for the moment u have to enjoy it.