Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Lie to live peacefully.

Times of India posted a video of a 33 year old lesbian woman on its Facebook page, titled as, " What a lesbian goes through in India: Depression, family pressure and harassment.''

In that video, Sonia talks about her struggle and suffering just because she identifies herself as a lesbian openly. She found out about her sexual preference when she was 13. It was not that happy coming out. Her family didn't accept her reality at all. Her own father stopped talking to her three years ago.

That must have been so much for her. Family rejection is the worst. 

A person who gave you birth, stops talking to you just because you are not that person he assumes you/wants you to be?

Not only that, she had been kicked out from her office. She had to ran away from her home with the help of an NGO but  her family came back after with police at 2 o'clock at the night. They presented her to the court in front of three judges to have her in their custody on the basis that she is depressed and lesbian.

The court dismissed the case. 

Actually they wanted her, but they don't want her to be lesbian. 

Isn't it all so strange?

How desperately we want to impose an adult to be who we want him/her to be.  This south Asian mentality of controlling adults in the name of family, religion, tradition and value is unhealthy, harmful and unbearable for any human. 

Anyone who is above 18 is technically an adult. He or she is adult because at certain age that person is capable enough to live  the life s/he wants to live, with whom s/he wants to be with and wherever s/he wants. That person is adult because s/he is cable enough to make his/her own decisions. That person has matured mentally and physically. S/he knows what is better for him/her.

We should accept the above simple facts.

However, unfortunately in this region societal and family pressure is way too much for all of us_man, woman, or LGBT. We treat adults like small children with out any ounce of shame. Sorry to say: this is not love or concerned. This is mental condition called obsession and extreme desire to control and manipulate an other human.  

Sonia looks worried, alone, sad and depressed. People around her wants her to keep her true identity in the closet.  

But who are these people?



Being someone's parents, siblings, spouse, family, relative, friends, co-worker or neighbor doesn't mean you have got the license to tell others how to live. That person is just sharing his/her true identity with us. When instead of accepting that truth we somehow assume that we have the right to reject that person's opinion, believe, dreams ideas or identity just because we are unable to understand it. We are not taught the concept of agree to disagree. 

It is our basic human need to be accepted by our parents, spouse, family, neighbors, workplace and society for who we are. 

When on the other hand, South Asian societies are extremely closed knit and conservative society. Here others have the power to decide for others.  Children are consider investment and honor. The concept of adulthood is not understood. We don't let the adult to live their lives. Everything is done with someone's permission.  For your kind information, permission is not freedom. 

Many have found out that we are only accepted when we go by convention. Unfortunately, we don't accept others for who they are. That is why Sonia had to left her home. That is why many of us have to live lie. 

The reality is that we know that "they" would never accept us. Living with a lie is peaceful and acceptable. Therefore we prefer to go for lying, hiding and compromising, otherwise life will become immensely difficult. Taunts, hurtful comments, mocking, useless agreements will only harm us mentally and sometimes psychically. The pain of rejection is too much to bear. The pain of being disowned and abandoned is more insufferable.  

The first thing one of my wise and happy friends told me about this sad video of Sonia is that" ase throi hotta hai" means Sonia should have stayed silent like many others and being lesbian quietly. There must be some strategy. My wise friend is right. Sonia is going all through because she spoke the truth where truth is not acceptable.

According to my friend, when Sonia knew that she doesn't have permission to to come out, she should have come up with strategy to tackle the whole issue like compromising, lying or going to western country away from her family and live double life without telling anyone.

There are many lesbians and gays, I personally know, who stay quite. They are even married to straight men and women,  have kids and living the life other wants them to live. There are many people I know who have altered and adopted themselves that badly that they don't even know who they really are. 

But is this a solution?

It is not possible for LGBT people to stay in the closet for so long. It is suffocating to live lie.

Everyone don't compromise. Everyone can't live double life. Everyone can't go aboard where LGBT are acceptable.

Why we want  Sonia to live  lie?Why we want to suffocate her in the closet?

Why can't we accept her for who she is? Why can't we show empathy, compassion and love to another human being for his/her truth.

Is truth bitter?

Coming out is liberating. Speaking truth sets us free. But the million dollar question is that: 

Do we want to be free?

Are we ready to accept others for who they are?

I don't think so. 

Majority of us don't speak truth. Nor we want to listen the truth, neither we let other to speak the truth it. We don't want liberation for ourselves neither we let others to liberate. Liberation and freedom don't come easily. It can be overwhelming.  It's price is too heavy. In societies where everyone is moral police and pressure is too damn high, mocking, insulting, harassing, and rejecting  another human being's truth is OK , living a truthful life is a dream. Lying is easy. 

In the end, Sonia says that she has suffered a lot but she doesn't want the next generation to suffer for who they are. Her struggle is real. Her truth is bitter.

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