Work keeps me sane

With in an hour, I will go to sleep. Since last 5 days, my routine has been upset. One of my school friends added me on my school reunion group of Facebook. Some one set up the union group of school. With in a day, people from every batches joined. My other batch mates found me and asked me to join the class group on What's App. I said OK. We are meeting after some 20 years.

There was time, even couple of month ago I was reluctant to meet them when out of sudden one old class mate  invited me in some get to gather in  November, last year on Fb.  He was in Pakistan. I blocked him.

There was never anything serious but there was always something which we both could never figure out.  Even now. Just had three phone calls during school days. How silly and naive. After school, he and another girl got hitched. I was never in the picture. We had causal talks and nothing else which could be called a  relationship.  Funny thing they didn't end up together either. Somehow he still remember me. We talked on phone. We both are grown adults now. 

He told me about his breakup with that girl. It was too much for him. He had paralysis attack later. In 2015, he got married and have a  3 year old beautiful son. I am happy for him and he is happy for me. 

I don't have much memory with them. They are very nice people. I am just never attached to anything or anyone, ever. That's how I am detached. And that is what is bothering me. Why I am like this? Why can't I be the part of those who went school with me? Who still remember me to found me.  

After school, my financial condition didn't allow me to hangout like others did. They have a bond and memories together. I was always quite, with my two close friends. Confused about feeling and plain dumb gal. 

Everyone is happy. Married, kids, living their lives. This is an other reason I am avoiding going there. They would ask me about my martial status and kids_which I don't have any at a moment. I am just not into texting and talking as well. Actually, I am talking to no one. It exhausts me. 

Work keeps me sane. I have build up my life in a different way. Most of the time, I can't relate to their talks. The main topic is always school memories, Do you remember him/her/this or that? I was there with them all the time...technically but I can't recall anything significant enough to be the part of conversation. Majority are into fun talk to pass their time. I do deep talks for hours.

My main circle is so mature.   

See you.