Friday, May 4, 2012

We just smack them.

Western people always envy south Asian parents because desi  kids are so under control, never disobey and always nod even if parents are wrong as compare to their kids.

How can you do that, dude ? Once  a western daddy asked in a yahoo question/ answer page.

Well,  before going in to details lemme tell ya Indian / Pakistani / Bangla = South Asian = Desi parents are same. Our stories are all same some how when its comes to kids and parenting. And when its come to disciple your kid  other parents are nothing  in front of us. Desi parents know what to do, and how to do.So I can tell ya very well.

 OK, back to topic.

No wonder South Asian kids are 2000% goddam obedient. They worship their parents.

On that form few people answer and just said " it is  parvarish"  and nothing else. So  I decided to tell ya how to have  an obedient  kid like desis have.

There  ain't any  secret. Every parents want their child to be obedient, disciple and good. Desi peeps ain't born with these qualities. It's a hard work of ages and right attitude. To make your child like desi, obedient , respectful to you, you gotta be tough. You gotta do lotta tricks, guilt trips, scheming, manipulation, black mailing, controlling, and beating.

Things I noticed is that  you peeps are so softie. You never scare your kid, never punish them, never verbally insult them in front of their friends, never slap them across their  face. If you do so your child will call 911. Well, thank to God, police and teachers side with us in this so we don't go through this.Your extremes are  just  spanking, the scolding, and the grounding which is just so dumb.

"We have to talk " ......That's your attitude.

Talk ??  There is no  " talk " kinda word  in  desi parent's dictionary because talking means buying crap from your child. We  believe action speaks louder than word. Talk leads to develop a child brain and we don't do these stupidity.

 "You are  grounded".........That is what  another dumb thing you do if you are so angry at your child behavior.

Grounded ?  Desi parents don't believe in these stupid punishment. A kid is never gonna be disciplined by just grounded. You gotta smack them.

First of all remember one golden rule : You are parents. You are  boss. You  are the one who is providing  him food, clothes and shelter. You are always  right, and no way in  they dare  argue with you.

To maintain this lose control every now and then to remind your child you are powerful.

Beat them  with hands, slap, punch, fist, kick, elbow, knee, backhand, chair,  stick, rod, the screwdriver, shoes, rope, remote control, water bottle, hanger, wooden cane  or anything  in your hand and that is a only way to disciple your kids  other wise they will never learn how to be discipline and how to  do anything

 I know after reading all that you  will be about to make a call to human right NGO something or a child protection crap.  I tell ya what I am a teacher and I do give tuition. First thing parents say " Beat them as much as you can" "I'm giving my child to you". So I am know very well what I am saying .

I lost 3 rich students just cause I was softie and did not scared them well. And no beating. 

But still if you so keen to talk  then just scream loud.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ?
WHAT THE HELL YOU THINK YOU ARE  DOING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ?
YOU GOT       " B "          !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
WHAT DID YOU SAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
I'M YOUR MOTHER   !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'M YOUR FATHER      !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since the child is born, scared the hell out him not by ghost or dinosaur,  few words are enough, like, if your child ever try to screw up or don't listen to you, just say " I will tell ya papa !" On the other  hand every desi  papas   have an alter ego  of  Hitler.

I will tell ya papa, and  few  slaps  from my mom off and on worked perfect for me.  

Always order, never ask becasue in asking he will   get  a time to rack their brain and they will ask question back. Start every sentence with  ' I say so' and end it  with  'I have said so.'

Dad  : I say so, you are gonna study biology, math or any other science subjects. That is it.
Kid  :  But, daddy I am good at  sketching/ music/ writing   I wanna do arts.
Dad :   Art  ka bacha (Son of art ). Doctor bun doctor. Bas khadeya. ( Be a doctor. Just doctor. That is it. I have said so).

Mom :       Don't you dare to  wear sleeves less in my home.
Girl Kid :  But mom,  its so hot .
Mom :      Hot ki bachi ( daughter of hot ). Puri asteen pahen . Bas khedeya . ( Wear full sleeves. I have said so).

Dad : Some peeps are coming to see you. Or  I'm fixing your marriage with Mr. ABC's daughter.
Kid :  But I am working/ studying , not taken .
Dad :  bakwas nahi kar meray samney .  ja   wasy hai nak katwadi hai  ( I can not translate this )
Kid ;  but why  :(
Dad : I  have said so .

Use as much cuss words as you can use if you find out your child is outta line especially in front of his friends.

Hey, never forget to   give 2-3 lecture everyday on sharafat, morals, value, culture, importance of education, etc, etc.  

Despite encouraging him, demoralize him as much that he forgets  he is a human.

" I'm very disappointed in you " ( Boy got admission in good collage ).
" I can't believe I gave birth to an idiot like you"  ( He just refused to eat veggies) .
" Your father/ mother can not sleep after looking at your report card." ( He got B).
" Your father/ mother  have a heart attack after hearing your decision. " (he is moving out or decided not to be a doc).
" Your father/ mother  will die  if you marry him/ her.( he refused to marry the peep parents has chosen).

We never let our child grow up.  Always say " You are just a child", even if he is 30+ with two kids.

Never let him/ her to move out.  Desi parents never buy  " I am 18  I am out" notion
You are 38. You are a child.  Emotionally black him if he talks further than  that.
" I kept you in my womb for 9 moth, you leaving m !"
" I fed you .You leaving me"
" I washed your potty, gave you bath, now  you leaving me"
" All my life I worked like a dog just for you, your education, and now you leaving me "

He is 38 and his kids are growing up. His family needs space but by blackmailing you are gonna win.

Always compare your child with our sibling's child, relative's, or neighbor's kids.

Hassan  Sahab's son  got  first division in MBA . Gonna get good job in bank. Look at your still doing B.Com.
Charma ji's daughter is  attending  oxford, look at you !can't get admission in public university.
Khan Sahb's daughter can cook any thing, look at you you can't make one round roti.

Put child through the wringer. Higher the pressure, more better result.

 This is how you can have an obedient child like us  ;).


  1. hi!!

    interesting post..I am sorry I haven't had time to read all of it's my opinion on the matter. i think that it is of big importance how parents act with their children and the example they give....I am East European, but I still value the word "parent", i still respect my family, and I know that without them I wouldn't be who I am today. My family is everything to me! and even tho, as a child I had my moments of rebellion, I never ever disrespected my family!...My family is my role model!!!!

    so i guess it all depends on what are the values you want your kids to have...

  2. Izdiher, I began to laugh (LOL!) as I read just the title "We Smack Them!" And I kept laughing until the final S M A C K !!!

    Thank you for "What a way to wake up in the morning"!
    Now I gotta go visit my son, and give his daily smack (whether he needs it or not!) After all, he is only just yet a baby, age 46!


  3. Oh Gosh Izi.. When I took the print shot of the image i though this post is gonna full of love that our parents give us but it completely turned opposite to my expectation:) I am still laughing.. I totally loved this para "Beat them with hands, slap, punch, fist, kick, elbow, knee, backhand, chair, stick, rod, the screwdriver, shoes, rope, remote control, water bottle, hanger, wooden cane or anything in your hand and that is a only way to disciple your kids other wise they will never learn how to do anything"

    HAHAHA.. Good one.. I Thank god my Mom is extremely cool and not like u have mentioned here.. LOL

  4. Ya know? Seriously, I remember hearing this piece of wisdom:

    "Children will NOT remember what you said..they will only remember how you made them FEEL!" (Attitude, tone of voice, love or hatred, etc.)

    Admittedly, this is not the "Desi" way, nor the way of any other country's Peeps or groups of cultures on our planet. But it IS something to consider when we talking to, teaching or admonishing our children--OR ANYBODY ELSE, for that matter!

    P.S. Wish I'd learned this BEFORE I got old--grin!
    The words are: LOVE and PEACE, peeps!

  5. I'm going to be perfectly honest with you... this is very scary! But you are right, discipline used to be acceptable in America. It was a way of life. You got up, did your chores, went to school, came home, did more chores and you never back talked, you never swore or argued. You did what you were told and if you ever stepped out of line, you got the belt, or you got scolded... somewhere along the line, kids stopped respecting their parents.. Some idiot came along and told us, "you can't do that, it's against the law. That's assault. That's abuse. You'll go to jail!" So we as parents are powerless. Helpless. The only thing we can do is try to scare them to death, threaten to take their games away, send them to the corner, put em on time out. By law it's the only thing we can do. My sister once decided to slap my son's hands after he she had told him not to do something but he refused to listen. It left a bruise. The next day, I took him to the doctor and the doctor questioned me about the bruise. I told her what had happened and she warned me, "We don't put bruises on our children. It's unacceptable." I heard her loud and clear! It was the scariest moment of my life and it was something that I didn't even do.. just the thought of someone coming to my house and taking my son away... because of a small bruise on his wrist.. That's just the way it is around here..

  6. great post. i love to read it.
    it's unique, like your blog.
    maren anita

    FASHION-MEETS-ART by Maren Anita

  7. I enjoyed the read very interesting indeed and thank for sharing, if you have 30sec come and have a look at Golden Words..

  8. Hilarious but true ! have portrayed the whole picture about children obedience technique in our society. I must agree most of the stuff is effective and the best part about all this is that children still love their parents no matter how brutally they treat them (just my personal observation).
    One of your best posts I have read so far! Great Post!

  9. hahaha damn true!!!! that's how my parents PUNISH me n dats y we (my siblings n i) r being obedient (most of the time :P) i hate when my mum starts to compare me with sum1 else. i guess its the best way to motivate them good job with the post


  10. How true!

    And Izdiher, the topic you chose for this post.. Brilliant! People need to know this!

  11. I am Indian and my parents have never in my life hit me or my older brothers. We have always listened and respected our parents when being punished we did get excessively shouted at and the scary stare they like to do but never hit. I don't believe that 'desi parents are the same', I admit my parents do guilt trip a lot but a lot of what you have written doesn't really apply to my family or the asian people in my life. I do know of asian children being hit but I don't agree with it. I think my reasons for being obedient as an asian is because we are taught to respect our elders, we see our parents respecting their elders so we follow by example, it is something we see as being normal so if someone is disrespectful to an elder it is a bit shocking. It is also has to do with asian people love to gossip so you do as your told as you don't want to be talked about negatively.

  12. lol i hope this post is sarcastic. whilst i think physical punishment may be the only option sometimes if the child is way outta line, it should not be used everyday. what happens when it doesnt hurt them anymore? what happens when you get old enough to hit back? would you be ok with your daughter being hit or punched by her husband if she is disobedient?! violence leads to further violence. as a victim of physical abuse, i would say that beatings made me scared of my mum, but i have zero respect for her and compare my relationship with her to that of friends who were not hit, and they were good girls who has self respect and would never let anyone mistreat them. i had to relearn to not accept physical abuse from other people and hope to do the same with my son. if the only way you are able to control your children is through smacks then there is something wrong there with your parenting skills, not the child

  13. Owh my! I have really laughed. What a pretty damn good post, like usual! Love it. Its a bit the same here at home, though I am from Morrocan origin. In Islam it is very important to respect your parents. As they say: the paradise lies under your mothers feet.


  14. You really play with our emotions on this one. First we laugh and then we cry. This is what a good writer does.

  15. Izdiher, this was just from heart so had to be good! Agree with you on most of the points but rational parents show the way and strike balance between the two extremes! However, denial of what exists would not be fair:)

  16. LOOOOOOOL... this post made my morning.. lol

  17. I laughed, cried and was thrououghly entertained. Loved it.

  18. loooool entertaining and it is actually's not only in mid-asia.. i think asians know how to handle their kids well...

    Keep on writing and stay blessed


  19. Great post ! you spoke from the heart.
    My personal view is that parents are like that [ brutal } because their parents were brutal to them and so it goes on and on , generation after generation....
    Therefore, we {our generation } have to stop this chain reaction and be loving towards our kids ...Love creates love, love gives birth to love, love develops into love,
    Similarly, pain creates pain, pain develops into more pain...but somebody gotta stop it !
    have a nice day ,

  20. I have mixed emotions after reading your post. At some point, I felt that I have no right to express my opinion because I'm not a parent. The most parenting experience I have is when my nieces and nephews are with me and I guess whenever I teach college students. In my own biased opinion though, I still advocate for respect, diplomacy, good deeds and setting a good example to the younger generation. Whenever a child commits a mistake, I still believe in proper dialogue and explanation. Little punishments may do, but not to the extent of hurting the kid, physically and emotionally. When my students misbehave inside the class, I treat them like grown up professionals. Well, this is just my personal opinion. Have a great day!

  21. OMG the funniest post i have ever read! And i must say not all parents hit their child, but only if they go way out of line. Believe me my sisters my brother and i all had our fair share of punishment. My brother when he was around 10 or something cussed and my mum fed him red chilli pepper and he was never cussed again. i once didnt like what was in lunch so i just short of threw a tantrum i got a fudging slap right on my face. There are so many things i could go on about but its true desi parent do hit their child which does not mean they dont love them,and like Tania mentioned yes we desi kids were brought up in such a way where talking back to an elder is like committing some horrible sin. We have seen our parents with virtues and values and in a way even if we dont know it we are following them and taking on their habbits. Kids need good role model parents and not the law that if your parent hit u even if YOU were obviously wrong you can just call up the police put your parents in jail or the social service will take the child away.

  22. jazakAllah for your comments on golden words, any chance you can put "i love Islam" in your blog, just copy and past from my site, anyone and everyone is welcome to.

  23. Well that's one of a post! :) My parents slapped me and my brothers when we were little kids, but when I look how we become it didn't affect us. On the contrary we respect them and look up to them! They do it only for good sake :D

  24. Izdiher I miss you girl! you know in my country you will find a lot of people using the western spoiling your kid way and some other people use your way.

    when I was a child my parents were very strict when it came to education and respecting them and their decisions without further arguments.. and we heard a lot of " i am disappointed with your grades" and some other lines that you mentioned. thank god I was a good girl and didnt argue much but my brothers received a few smacks LOL and we grew up just fine. its called tough love its like you said being softie to your kid isnt going to prepare them for the harshness of the world

  25. I think parents just need to be more demanding I've always had a great deal of respect for my parents but that may be due to my extremely friendly nature lol my friends always ask me if I've ever been angry in my life.

  26. Ohmaigawd.. We can go on and on about this like forever..

    I'm not indian/desi/pakistani..etc. but.. I do grow up in a psychologically mad way.

    I use to get beaten like hell when I was a kid. My dad will belt the hell outta me whenever he thinks I'm being stupid. Even when I fall down, he'll beat me up and say "are you disabled? Why can't you walk properly!". Kinda funny if I think back of my childhood though.

    When I grow up a lil' like about 10, he never beats me anymore.. but will insult the f*ck outta me. "Why don't you just go find some nice rich guy and get married. I don't even know why I bring you into this world!" Those kinda insults that got into me real bad. Very pricky! but, come to think of it, it's a lil bit funny in a way. My dad would also say something like "would you like me to start insulting you in front of your friends?? show them how dumb you all are acting?" Damn that old man really got his way to bring up my pride.

    Thanks to him, I grew up awesome! LOL!!

  27. I want to be a doctor so I guess I fit there.

    But one thing is not going to work, wearing long sleeves in hot summer, err..I'm used to taking off my shirt when it's day light.

  28. i think the most important is to spend more time with kids and love them...

  29. Hy Izdiher, great post, you had me laughing. I love it when you quote the things people tend to say-its hilarious. I can relate- I had a strict upbringing, actually was smacked when I was v little, but it stopped when I got older, just lots of scoldings, I remember when I was 12-13 I felt I was scolded every single day..I don't know it I was but it felt that way...but yeah I've grown up great! Turns out parents were right all along..:-p
    but somethings should be discussed like who you would like to marry/career, I don't think parents hould force their kids in those areas, thankfully mine dont alhamdolillah,
    I don't like the Western way of bringing up spoilt brats that will treat you like you are their slave, schools these days have no touch policy, and I'm not talking about smacking,if you hold them still, or give them a shake, and some of these monsters are rude and outta line, youcan get fired. Parents spoil their kids these days, and the yare nuisance to everyone aroundthem, I neve wanna invite such ppl over, coz i have to run around making sure they dont' break stuff, scratch stuff, dirty stuff, spill stuff, while the parents don;t do say anything , or even if they say something its pathetic..

    and thank you for all your lovely comments on my blog, especially the one on the right way to wear a ghutra :-), I'd like my readrs to come up with a caption for the last picture any ideas?

  30. lmfao. I don't agree with all the smacking going around but I see your point haha.
    I mean, it takes a certain determination to be a certain type of parent in order to groom a certain type of child.
    Personally, I don't know if I'm just strange or something but I always end up guilt-tripping myself into behaving O_O Like, they've only spanked me a couple of times when I was young (but only when I really act out). Most of the times, they're the "let's talk" kind of parents. haha

    yeah sure I'll follow, you have some nice content XP

    mad love,

  31. I laughed so hard but this is true to a great extent in my culture too!! Enjoying ur posts so much keep it up!!

  32. ya Allah, u made my heart cried, very nice post, u r a great writer, just we need not to make it general, but i got ur point, also in my country they are such sort of treatments, but those mostly are uneducated people, no mutter their financial situation is, even my mother she use to compare me with my best friend school degrees's, u know what? now I have a better life than the A+'s degrees friend, also my mother was very firm and strict never told me a nice or bad word, she say's " no one could love u and care for u as i do so u have to here for my words". i did not like to do the same with my kids i always tell them how mutch i love them and i do say the same phrase as my mum, that no one will care for u as me, but with a diffrent tone of voice full of love, this is way my elder son 20 years old love my and consider me as his friend, but as for me i do not have much love for my parent only respect.
    So new generation should ask their self what do u need from ur children in the future, love & care or respect & negligent ?
    love u Habibty

  33. My mom would always smack me in the store right in front of everyone, if I misbehaved.. It stung like pure fire and it was beyond embarrassing! But I learned how to better behave in a store.. Nowadays, if a mother tries that, everyone hushes and stares at you like you're evil... but at the same time if you've got three rowdy boys to contend with then everybody stops and stares at you for NOT disciplining them leaving one to wonder, "What the heck do I do??" I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't!! People are crazy! We expect so much but get so little in return.. America is crazy! I should know! I live here!! Grr!

  34. Well, my kids are nearly grown (20 and 17) and they're mostly obedient. I did it the "hard" (not smacking) way. I found that "grounding" them from TV and/or video games was equally effective, lol!

  35. Your posts always interest me - this one is no exception! I did have to laugh out loud at some of your words!

  36. This comment has been removed by the author.

  37. hey there...I like your blog very much .I find your subjects very interesting...
    first of all I respect your traditions and I BELIEVE THAT children should always respect their parents but not obey to them.I am Greek so I will explain our philosophy.When a couple decides to raise a kid , it means that they love him or her.In your post I did not read the word love.Parents are not bosses.The best way to make a child obedient, as it gets, is the example.If the kid doesnt respect his father or his mother ,parents should mention it, talk to him strictly but also they have to respect each other.the father should not insult the mother nor hit her.I mean ok when it comes to kids but this kid should be an indipendent person with critical spirit and not a person who fears to express its opinions.
    All I want to say is that:neither fear nor anarchia is the solution.The best way is in the middle