Saturday, April 7, 2018

The norm of talking crap

Pakistani Television host and politician of PTI, Dr. Aamir Laiquat  just posted few tweets about politician Ms. Marium Nawaaz of PML(N) on April 4 (read here). Tweets can be seen at his twitter account @AamirLiaquat. They were posted to defame and insult Ms. Nawaz because she is his opponent now. Otherwise who cares what type of loose character woman she is? Do you?
He intentionally character assassinated her leaving no stone unturned.

It figures.

It figures because it is a norm. That is the way it is. Like it or not, if not everyone but 'almost' every other Pakistan talks like him/ do exactly he did with very little difference, whenever he/she gets a chance. Character assassination is the only and most power tactic to tackle the opponent or with who they have issue(s) in our overly hypocritical society. The deliberate defamation of character is not only used against individuals and groups as a political weapon but in everyday life as well. Sometimes, it is done just because one person didn't say "salam' to someone. (Personal Experience)

According to the US legal,Inc.,"Character Assassination refers to the slandering or vicious personal verbal attack on a person with the intention of destroying or damaging that person’s reputation or confidence. In other words it is malicious verbal assaults designed to damage or tarnish the reputation of a person. Once done, these acts are often difficult to reverse or rectify. Therefore it is likened to a literal assassination of a human life. The damage sustained can last a lifetime or, for historical figures and important personalities, for many centuries after their death.

It involves a deliberate attempt to destroy a person's reputation, especially by criticizing them in an unfair and dishonest way when they are not present. It can also involve exaggeration or manipulation of facts to present an untrue picture of the targeted person, double speak, spreading of rumors, innuendo or deliberate misinformation on topics relating to the subject's morals, integrity, and reputation. It is a form of defamation.’’

Derogatory tweets like he posted might not bug Marius Nawaz much. She is a strong, confident and rich woman whose father was three times prime minister; she is a woman in the end of the day. She and no one deserves to be ridicule for their personal matters in front of the public unless and until they are not criminal, broke some law and all that jazz. Even criminals have self-respect.
On a serious note, all this effect an individual profoundly. It can damage the mental and physical health along with the credibility and reputation of an individual. And in the third world countries like Pakistan, where being chaste is the only criteria to be respectable, someone, God forbid, can get killed.

Dilemma of our society is that normally people are very Okay with using derogatory remarks about anyone, anywhere. And, I am talking about real life here. People don't feel an ounce of shame when talking about other person's private matters are they are the one who feed them and pay their bills. This nation has always been obsess with what-others-are-doing. It is their self-imposed national duty to have an eye on everyone: both male and female. The recovery is much quicker and easier with males, due to high cognitive dissonance. They get away with a justification that 'Marad ka kuch nahi jatta.'

People do it with all their heart and soul, without thinking that they also have their own daughters in their homes. Zero fear of what it if it come back and bit them too. They don’t bother to stop it when they see it is happening. It is a form of entertainment.

God willing, it will. If not today, then tomorrow. Someone will be doing same to them because it is, unfortunately a viscous circle. What goes around, comes around.

On TV, Dr. Aamir Laiquat is paid to say such things. Channel owners and producers are very well aware of who he is. They want him for exactly that purpose. They know that by having him they will be able to achieve the TRP for their channels. PEMRA's notices and actions go down the drain- all the time. For your kind information, he is again doing his show ' Ase Nahi Chalay Ga' on BOL TV.

What drives home is that people do like him. TRP doesn't go up by "just having him." It shows that Pakistani public is watching him. He and his content is acceptable. They have no issue with him or the content at all.

The thing about the stuff he posts on his social media account is that: He owns it. That is his property. He can say it even if he is the 'role model'. And he did. You can do nothing about it, can you?

All you can do it grit your teeth and unfollow him on the social networking sites.

The ground reality is that others do almost the same thing, in cyber and real world whenever they find something conflicting with their preconceived opinions. Read any comment section on the Facebook pages of Pakistani's newspaper if I am making it up. You wouldn't be surprised to see how full they are with cursing/derogatory remarks if the news or content doesn't sink in well with them. There is no concept of agree to disagree. Mostly conversations are done to just to prove their version right. In the worst case scenario, get ready for the revenge.

Those who don't do it on Social Media or TV, they do it in real life. If, for some reason, they can’t do it, they ask others to do it by making groups, lobby or even having a side kick. This is the sad reality.  Our jokes are just mocking someone.

This is our so-called public's mannerism, upbringing, background and frustration.

Korea University’s Sun Park and Northeastern University psychologist C. Randall Colvin calls such people narcissistic. No normal person can do such low thing. It gotta be a narcissistic who go at such lengths to degrade another human.

The authors of the book Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work, industrial psychologist Paul Babiak and criminal psychologist Robert D. Hare dub such people psychopaths and say that they use this techniques of character assassination to maintain their agenda and power.

What makes this whole situation more ironic is that Dr. Aamir Laiquat and the type are not some low life junkies passing comments or cat calling random women at street. This is done by the most educated mostly on serious media. As you can see Dr. Ammir Laiquat is PhD (fake or foreign doesn't matter: degree is degree). He is on TV.  I can bet billion dollars here that a Pakistani with an authentic foreign degree can do this without a hesitation.  Just say something a little bit different and see the blast. As I said this is a mere tactic: A way to compete.

Actually a PhD or any formal education is no guarantee to make you a better human being. 40-50 years of upbringing, background, class differences and no moral values has its own impact. People are taught from a very young age to talk slander about others. They have seen how women particularly are insulted, put down, defamed, beaten, seriously injured and murdered for doing something which "others" don't approve, in their homes and surrounding. Blame and accuse, if there is no other way to stop her. Others will believe it not- is not the headache of narcissistic/psychopath.

Personally, I consider it the lowest thing an human can do to another human.  These people have no moral values. They are never taught how to earn and give respect. Mocking others is their business. One of my very good friend and well-wisher told me that the only way to deal with such nut cases is to play at their level or pass it. There is really no middle way.  She is so damn right.  Dealing with such high conflicting personalities is exhausting. Confronting them is asking for more troubles.

 Roy Baumeister is a social psychologist who explores how we think about the self, and why we feel and act the way we do. His findings on these types of act tell us that people who harm others are very confident and feel good about themselves. They have strong sense of justification for hurting and harming others. Their focus is on the outcome by destroying the image. That is why, they get away with their acts. That is why they have no guilt or shame.

Therefore, there is no need to react, response, defend, confront. Never negotiate with the abuser. He/she is habitual.  Just gather all the evidences, document each and every thing, and seek help from the law by hiring a lawyer. In simple words: Sue them.

Let me rain your parade: Any individual above the age of 18 is a full grown adult.  Learn to digest this bitter truth. Mind your own business. In the time of so much antsy: Pass exactly the same low class remarks to your daughters, sisters, wives, and mother because they are your only responsibility.
Anyone who-is-not-your-responsibility is automatically not bind to answer you regarding his/her personal matters. Attacking humans for their personal matters only make you look like an idiot. We have entered in the age of information. Everything is changing because change is constant. Unnecessary, useless and forced standards of chaste should be eliminated once and for all.   

What we really need to fathom is that we can't teach tradition, cultural, religion, or so called ' lesson' to any adult woman. We are not her father, brother, son nor we have any obligation to do so. Even by religion we are not her wali/guardian.

So, why so worry about her?

For your information, world is becoming more open, understanding, least hypocrite and responsible. People are having time of their lives.   So, stop worrying for something like what values we are teaching to the new generation.  The whole world is in their hands (smart phones).  We are living in the age of information, where no one is buying the rotten concept of ‘’honor.”

Good character is integrity, honesty, loyalty, respectfulness, responsibility, humility, compassion, fairness, forgiveness and authenticity rather than worrying about who is having lunch is who. Some one’s personal matters should never be your pain. There is no respect in insulting someone.  There is no honor in degrading someone.

 Pakistani nation need a lot of moral learning and training. 

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